This encapsulates the month of Elul: Ani l’Dodi v’Dodi li. It is acquiring a connection to Elokim Chayim and to Toras Chayim. In the golden words of the Chazon Ish, in a letter he wrote to lomdei Torah:
The main thing is to know before Whom you are toiling.
This is because when it comes to Torah learning, we are not dealing with a machine. We are handling Toras Chayim!
This is actually what the avodah of Elul is all about: to believe and acquire yiras Shamayim — to recognize that there is not some kind of a machine here that is judging and working against you. We are talking about Hashem Yisborach, not a machine. You can make up with Him, so to speak. If a person will show his Creator that he cares about Him, this will save him.
The words of Rabbeinu Yonah at the beginning of Sha’arei Teshuvah are well known:
Know that when a sinner delays his repentance, his punishment becomes increasingly harsher day by day, for he realizes that Hashem’s wrath is upon him and that he has a refuge to retreat to, his refuge being teshuvah. Nonetheless, he persists in his rebelliousness, continuing along his evil path. He is capable of freeing himself from this upheaval, but does not fear the pending fury and anger. Consequently, the ills that await him are great.
Chazal commented on this: It may be compared to a gang of thieves who were incarcerated by the king. They started digging an underground tunnel, broke through, and escaped to the other side, with the exception of one thief who remained behind. The prison warden came, noticed the underground tunnel, and saw one person still imprisoned within. He struck him with his truncheon and said to him, “You wretched man! The tunnel has been dug out. How is it that you did not hurry to save yourself?”
Taking this allegory at face value, everyone asks the same question: What did the remaining prisoner do wrong? On the contrary, it was commendable of him not to escape.
The answer is simple. This man had an attitude. He was showing that to him, it is not so terrible to be in jail. In other words, he was making light of the king’s punishment.
But a person who cares, who is afraid, will rely on the relationship with Hashem that is to be found in these days. A person who is in HaKadosh Baruch Hu’s embrace has nothing to fear: “A thousand will fall at your side, and ten thousand on your right side, but it will not reach you.”19
This is what being a ben Torah is all about: his connection to Toras Chayim, his relationship with HaKadosh Baruch Hu. In our childhood, we were taught that when we finish learning, we close the Gemara and give it a kiss. We show a conciliating gesture when we shut the Gemara! And when we finish a masechta, and are about to go on to a new one, we say “Hadran alach v’hadrach alan.” We are expressing the idea that I am not intending to be rid of you, dear masechta. With Hashem’s help, I will come back to you.
This is the character of a ben Torah, and this is also the character of the month of Elul. It’s all about Ani l’Dodi v’Dodi li.
