So I’m curious, what is the origin of the expression תולעת אוכלת בו? What is the significance of the worm infestation, and why would the presence of a worm be considered indicative of some inner turmoil or flaw?
I don’t know the correct answer, but I would like to suggest (ואם שגיתי 'ה הטוב יכפר) the possibility that it is based on a fascinating Chazal in this week’s Parsha: In the end of the Parsha we learn about עגלה ערופה. If a murder was committed and the murderer is unknown, then there is a mitzvah to take a calf to the river bed, and decapitate it there from the back of the neck. The Possuk concludes ואתה תבער הדם הנקי מקרבך.
In various midrashei Chazal and rishonim there is a description of a miraculous occurrence connected with the egloh arufa. In the words of the Targum Yonasson “A swarm of worms would depart from the midst of the decaying calf, and go to the place where the murderer is located and make his identity known”.
[In Rishonim we find two versions regarding what exactly was the effect of these worms. Some say that the worms would, themselves, kill the murderer. Others say that the worms would identify him to beis din, who would then punish him accordingly (which is also the implication of the Targum Yonasson). Some meforshim suggest that this would depend on the situation, - whether there were available witnesses to the murder (in which case the worms would merely serve to help locate him), or there were no witnesses (in which case the worms themselves would have to mete out the punishment). For more sources and further discussion of this (like anything else in Targum Yonasson) you can refer the amazing sefer “Naar Yehonosson”.]
We find, if so, an explicit source to the fact that worms reveal the inner flaws that are present in someone who may appear, outwardly, to be the same as everyone. More specifically, the presence of the worms identify their host as being guilty of murder!
What is murder? The Possuk describes it as שופך דם האדם באדם, - spilling the blood contained by the Odom. In a subtle way, this is a description of every (and any) sin. The blood is the life and sustenance of a person, his chayus, excitement and enthusiasm. By rights, these should be channeled exclusively to matters of kedusha. When we are involved, by necessity, with mundane matters, it is meant to be בלא לב ולב, - without enthusiasm and intensity, but as if by force.
An aveirah, any aveirah, is – in essence – diverting the blood, the life-force, that was designated solely for matters of kedusha and G-dliness, and directing it, instead, to mundane matters. This can happen in a premeditated way or inadvertently, but this is the root and source of any type of sin.
And this is what best describes the conduct of the Volper at that time. He was by the Magid, a time when his entire consciousness, his entire being, should have been preoccupied with internalizing the lofty teachings of his holy teacher (like a bochur in Yeshiva, who has the opportunity to be single-mindedly focused on drinking in the aura and teachings of Tomchei Tmimim). As such, the physical or material flaws with his living conditions (legitimate though they may have been), should not even have registered by him.
His complaints about them, therefore, was a symptom of the presence of the worms, they identified him as a שופך דם האדם (in a most subtle manner), as having channeled some of his chayus into his mundane existence (similar to a bochur in Yeshiva who may find the time or energy to complain about the air conditioning or heating or broken walls or food or lack thereof....).
Indeed, the Magid’s reaction was תולעת אוכלת בו. The known worm, the famous worm about which we learn in Chumash in Parshas Shoftim (as the meforshim explain – the words ואתה תבער דם הנקי is sofei teivos רימה), the worm that identifies blood-letting, - stealing the blood from אדם, from the nefesh hoElokis, from אדמה לעליון, and directing it to worldly pursuits, - that worm has infested him and is present in him!
We are now completing our first week of Ellul. One of the roshei teivos of Ellul is אינה לידו ושמתי לך, - the Possuk discussing ערי מקלט, which are designed to provide a kaporoh to a מכה נפש בשגגה, - to an inadvertent murderer. It is the time when we must rectify our own instances of שופך דם האדם באדם, - of our using the excitement and eagerness that were earmarked for our davening and learning and avodas Hashem, and pouring it in – instead – into our eating and playing and pontificating about the latest news. The way we achieve this is by redirecting our energy and our zest back to where it was meant to be, into doing what the Eibishter wants from us.
In a Yud Beis Tamuz farbrengen, the Rebbe once quoted a vort that he said he saw brought in an Ungarisher sefer in the name of the Alter Rebbe: The Tur writes (based on the Yerushalmi) that even someone who is not careful during the entire year in avoiding bread of goyim (bread that is not Pas Yisroel), still, during the aseres yemei teshuva everyone should be careful with this.
In the sefer, he explains it (in the name of the Alter Rebbe) as follows: We know that Esav and Yaakov made a division, - Yaakov took olam habo, and Esav took this world. The “bread of the goyim”, then, the bread of Esav, in a broader sense, represents all worldly pleasures and pursuits. They are the bread of Esav; - they belong to the portion of Esav (in the division). On this we say that even someone who is not careful with this the entire year, meaning, he allows himself to indulge in worldly pleasures (once in awhile...), still, in the aseres yemei teshuva he should keep away from what belongs to Esav and devote himself wholeheartedly to kedusha!
At the time (of that farbrengen) the Rebbe explained the connection of the vort with the time (even though it was Tamuz, and not aseres yemei teshuva) by quoting what Chazal say "כל ימיו בתשובה". But now, in Ellul, we all understand and know that it is a time for teshuva, it is a time when we all have to work on distancing ourselves from what belongs to Esav, and thus ridding ourselves of the worms that they bring in their wake, and dedicating our energy and chayus exclusively to learning and davening and worshipping Hashem!
And this will surely add to the brochos of the Melech to each and every one of us (given with a sever ponim yofois and ponim soichakois) for a kesiva vachasima tova leshonoh tova umesuka betov hanireh vehanigleh bGUR gam yochad!
L’chaim! May we all apply ourselves immediately to the avoda of Ellul (and not wait for the last minute), in all of the areas (corresponding with the 5 roshei teivos) of Torah, avoda, gemilus chassodim, teshuva and geulah, and may the Eibishter help us see and welcome the Melech basodeh, and very speedily to see our melech, the Rebbe, the way he comes to the sodeh (with a ponim yofois and ponim soichakois) and takes us all out of the sodeh, and brings us back with him to heichal malchusoi, with the immediate revelation of Moshiach Tzidkeinu TUMYM!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
הנכונה בריאות מתוך ט"ואויוש ק"ורפו ש"לרפו אסתר 'חי בן מרדכי ברוך 'ר לזכות ס"וכט !ג"הנרוהנ בטוב ט"ואויוש ,ממש י"תומ ק"לרפושו ,'שי מרים בן ב"שד לזכות .ט"ואויוש ק"לרפושו ,חנה בן אהרן ת"הרה לזכות
