I am a bachur in vaad 6. In some places it’s called Shiur daled, and in others it’s called kibbutz. Whatever it is called, it’s a group of bachurim who are chosen to deal with the nisayon of waiting for their shidduch. In our vaad, from an original group of 170 bachurim, only 25 remain. Together we strengthen ourselves and each other in emunah and bitachon, and we occupy ourselves with Torah and avodah.
In the beginning of Tammuz one of my friends got married. This was a big wedding that took place in a very fancy hall, and a wide variety of gourmet foods was being served. I know that I have a ta’avah for food. I enjoy good food and am happy for opportunities to taste interesting things. I knew this type of wedding was a culinary festival, and I wanted to decide in advance how I would act there: Would I sink into eating and tasting everything, or would I remember that I am a ben Melech, that I had come to gladden my friend on his wedding day, not to gladden myself.
It’s true that there’s no sin in eating with great enjoyment what is served, but I felt that Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted me to hold back and be strong, as the Ohr Yisrael, the Yanuka from Stolin zt”l, says: The ikar Yid – the main characteristic of a Yid, is his hisgabrus, his ability to overcome. Thus I resolved that at this wedding I would eat only the roll and the salads!
This was not an easy kabbalah. The delicacies were served generously and with much variety, very far above the standard, but I kept my mouth closed. I remembered the words of the baalei mussar, that before davening that the words of Torah enter my intestines, I should daven that delicacies not enter my intestines. I stuck to my kabbalah, and the simchah I experienced in my friend’s establishing his own home was a complete simchah – spiritual and uplifted. This experience, of self-discipline and of partaking in a simchah solely for the purpose of gladdening another, accompanied me after the dancing ended. It accompanied me on the way to the dorm, and it went up the steps with me, where I met a friend from my shiur, a bachur who is the same age as I am. At 25, we are all in shidduchim – except for this bachur, because he has an older brother, 28 years old, who is still single. At that moment I felt I could accomplish something.
“You know,” I told my friend, “I have the merit of hisgabrus now. I gave nachas to our Father in Shamayim, and I want to take this opportunity to bentch you.”
Indeed, in vaad 6 it is a common occurrence that someone gets emotional and then everyone gets excited along with him. I made a big mi shebeirach for my friend’s brother to get engaged soon, and all those present responded with a fervent “Amen.”
Within two weeks of that night, the bachur’s brother was engaged! The power of hisgabrus; the power of simchah; the power of true participation in another’s joy!
We can add another lesson to be learned from this story: The bachur who told the story knew how to evaluate his actions. He believed in his own powers, and through emunah in the words of our holy Rabbanim, his actions and words bore fruit.
