By Rabbi Paysach J. Krohn
A dear friend of mine, Akiva Becker,* owns and runs a very popular summer camp for boys, in Monticello, New York. For many years, Camp Gadlus* has been filled to capacity. In the winter of 2022, Akiva sent an email to parents who had previously sent their children to Camp Gadlus, giving them the opportunity to register their sons before he advertised in Anglo-Jewish newspapers offering registration to the general public. After he tallied the responses received, he found that there was room for only fifty new campers. Akiva advertised and within only two weeks all openings had been filled.
Weeks later, Mrs. Nina Gertner,* a very wealthy woman who had sent her son, Avner,* to Camp Gadlus for the last three years, called Akiva to register him. Akiva was flustered. He felt an obligation to the loyal Mrs. Gertner, but all the slots were taken.
“I feel terrible,” said Akiva. “I did send an email a while ago to all parents. Didn’t you get that email?”
“Yes, I did,” replied Mrs. Gertner, apologetically. “But at the time my husband and I thought we would be taking our children to Israel this summer, so I didn’t respond. But now our plans have changed and there is no camp like Camp Gadlus, so we’d like Avner to be with you.”
Akiva told Mrs. Gertner that he could not renege on any of the commitments he made. “However,” he said, “I have a waiting list. You’ll be at the top of the list, and if anyone cancels — and somebody usually does — I’ll call you immediately.”
“That’s fair enough,” responded Mrs. Gertner gratefully. “I hope to hear from you soon.”
A Phone Call with the Good News
Sure enough, three weeks later, R’ Shmuel Handelman* phoned Akiva and explained that his family plans had changed and regretfully he had to cancel the registration for his son Moishy.* As soon as he hung up, Akiva called Mrs. Gertner with the good news. “You can register Avner right now.”
Mrs. Gertner told Akiva she would send in her deposit that day. Then she added something that Akiva told me he will never forget. “Rabbi Becker,” she began, “I want you to know that I have been wealthy all my life. My family and I never had to wait for anything. We could afford anything we wanted, no questions asked. During the last three weeks, I have experienced feelings of worry and concern that I never had before.
“The feeling of being rejected, the fear that I wouldn’t get what I really wanted, were all new to me. Then it occurred to me that there are so many people out there today that have those feelings all the time and dread potential rejection. There may even be some parents who have registered their sons in your camp who feel this way. So please, if there is any parent who can’t pay the full camp fee, please let me know and I will pay it for them.”
Rabbi Becker is in awe every time he tells the story.
A Woman Worthy of Emulation
The sensitivity of this amazing woman is worthy of emulation. It is relevant in so many aspects of life, and it is especially so with shidduchim. Those who are, baruch Hashem, happily married and those whose search for shidduchim was relatively easy — those who get calls and resumes without significant effort — should feel obligated to share the pain of those who have not yet been blessed with a spouse.
Perhaps each of us should keep a list of all the singles we know, both men and women. Perhaps keep an index card for each individual, noting the relevant information. Once a week, look over the cards and think of a possibility. of these cards with you and at a family simchah bring up some of the names. If you have these names in front of you, there is a better chance you will feel their pain. And if you do something about it, you will know what to answer the Heavenly Tribunal.
Reprinted from the Parshas Mattos-Masei 5784 edition of At the ArtScroll Shabbos Table. (Excerpted from the ArtScroll book – “From Sorrow to Celebration.”
