Sukkot 1957 – Elvis Presley had been on a visit to Israel. He was fascinated by all the booths he saw and by the religious men waving their lulavim and etrogim. When he got back to the U.S.A. he told Tom Parker, his manager, how wonderful his trip had been. Inspired by it all he sat down and wrote the top hit – “I’m all shook up”.
Purim is for alcoholics. Pesach is for OCDs.
Shavuot is for insomniacs, and Lag B’omer is for pyromaniacs who weren’t satisfied with Hannuka.
Tisha B’Av is for manic depressives
Rosh Hashana is for people who obsess over dying
Yom Kippur is for anorexics
Sukkot is for the homeless . Simchat Torah is for those in their happier stages of bipolar. Mi K’Amcha Yisroel. ... and people still wonder why the Jews invented psychology.”
A man comes to the Rabbi and asks for instructions on how to build a kosher sukkah. The Rabbi directs him to read a page of the Talmudic tractate of Sukkot and follow the instructions. The man follows all the instructions and just as he puts up last piece of scach on top of the Sukkah, the whole thing collapses. Thinking he made a mistake, he tracks back and rebuilds the Sukkah with the same result. Very frustrated he goes back to the Rabbi and explains what happened. The rabbi opens to the page of Talmud, studies it for a minute and exclaims “Funny, Rashi asks the same question”!
( Meir Itkin made me repeat this from last year)
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it” Moishe says to Yankele who complained to a relative in New York that he couldn’t find Hadas in Jerusalem. A few days later Yankele still hasn’t found what he is looking for. The phone rings – it’s Moishe. “I took care of it – go to the front door”.
As Yankele opens the door he sees Aunt Myrtle in front of him.
“Darling nephew, so kind of you to have me, I’m here for 8 days!
