Question: Hi, first of all, I would like to thank HaGaon HaRav for all the Chizuk in Emunah and Bitachon we get from listening on TorahAnytime. My question is like this. I am a Kollel wife, married to a very special Talmid Chacham (who loves to learn Mussar!) We recently moved to an out-of-town community for the purpose of my husband’s Torah learning. Out of town living has a lot of perks, but it's challenging, because in addition to leaving my family and friends behind, I am also working hard to support the family without a lot of physical support (e.g., parents, siblings, babysitters...). I really don't like the fact that I work on the computer, which means that my kids come home every day to a mother in front of a screen, and that there is internet in the house. I really wish I didn't have to work online on a computer, but there are not a lot of other opportunities where I live, and BH, it's a nice income. If I didn't work online, there would be no computer in our house. I've been davening that Hashem should give me another option, but so far, nothing has come up. I'm having a hard time understanding this. I am giving up so much for Hashem and for Torah, and all I want is to support my husband in a kosher way, and in a way that I will enjoy (like it says in Shaar HaBitachon), so why wouldn't He send something my way? Is Hashem waiting for me to take a leap of faith and quit my job, and hope that we will have food to eat?
I would really love it if the Rav could address my question soon, as this has been bothering me for a while. Thank you so much!!!!
Answer: I once asked my Rebbe, R' Ozer the following question: I'm on a bus, and I'm sitting and learning. Suddenly, there are some women there, that are no good for me. Now, I have a dilemma. On the one hand, I want to keep learning. But even though I'm trying to watch myself, their sight comes through a little, here and there. What should I do? Should I close my eyes altogether (which means not learning), or do I say: "You're learning. It'll be okay."? He answered: Close your eyes completely! More important than learning, is don't see that stuff. If you are faced with a choice, either a Bissel Mehr (a little more) Torah, or a Bissel Dos (a little of “that” stuff), better be pure. That's what I was M’kabel. ז ַייַא ַַַר ַיינ ַעַמ ַענ ַט ַשׁ.ַז ַייַנ ַישׁ ַטַא ַז ַאַמ ַת ַמ ַיד Better a pure person, and not such a Masmid.
But that's not so Pashut. I was once a bachur who was having challenges, and it bothered me. I spoke to Rabbi Kanarek and he said: “Just. Learn”. ה ַל ַו ַאיַאוֹת ַיַע ַז ַבוַַּו ַתוַֹר ַת ַיַשׁ ַמ ַרוּ,ַַשׁ ַה ַמ ַאוֹרַשׁ ַב ַהַַּמ ַח ַז ַיר ַןַַ ל ַמוּט ַבַַמדרשַרבהַאיכה,ַפתיחתאַב (Hashem says): Halevai my children would forsake me, and just keep My Torah, because its brilliance will bring them back. Every case has its own ins and outs. People are different, and each Matzav is different. You never know.
Both these stories are gold. Sometimes this is the answer, and sometimes that's the answer. You have to know. There's a time when you say just learn, and there's a time when you say: “Don't bother me with this Schmutz. Don't get near it”. You have to know every person, and every Matzav. There's a time to say: “Torah will solve all my problems, and will straighten me out”. And there's a time to say: “Don’t touch that!” An Ehrliche Yid comes before Alleh Learnen In Di Velt (all the learning in the world). “Don't give me this: ס ַט ר אַַא ַח ר א (wickedness)”. You cannot allow Limud HaTorah to distract you from basic Yiras Shamayim.
