Ask the Rabbi
Are You Judging Me?
Question: I feel like the more religious someone is, the more judgmental they become of others who are less religious or observant than they are. This seems arrogant and condescending. Does the Torah condone judgmentalism?
Response: It seems you think being judgmental is bad. That's a bit judgmental.
The truth is, you can't be a good person and completely non-judgmental. If you watch someone do evil and dismiss it as “each to their own”, you have lost your moral compass. If you can't identify good as good, and you can't name evil as evil, then you have equated the two. And that, excuse the judgmentalism, is bad.
There is a way to be judgmental without being condescending. The Torah says we should indeed judge, but judge favourably. When we see someone doing wrong, name it as wrong. But judge the action, not the person. They are doing wrong, but they may not realise it, or not fully appreciate the gravity of their actions, or not have full control over their choices. It is still wrong, but the person is not necessarily bad.
If I see a parent publicly humiliating their child, I can judge the action without judging the person. Public humiliation is wrong. But I have no idea what brought this parent to behave this way. They could be having a bad day, or a weak moment, or they themselves were brought up that way and think it's okay.
I don't need to declare this parent guilty. They may be an exemplary carer at all other times. But I do need to judge the action as wrong. Otherwise I will excuse myself when I behave that way, and be indifferent to bad behaviour in others.
The same applies to Jewish observance. If I see someone discarding Judaism, I don't condemn them. I feel bad that they are depriving their own soul, and missing out on the beauty and meaning Judaism has to offer. But it's probably not their fault. They may not have received a Jewish education, or had some negative experiences with Judaism. They either don't know what they are missing, or don't appreciate the relevance and power of Jewish practice. Or they may just be too distracted by the flashy lights of materialism to give much attention to spiritual matters. That is sad. But they aren't bad.
I know my own struggles. I don't really know anyone else's. I can say an action is wrong. I can't say the person is bad. Am I arrogant and condescending? I'll let you be the judge.
Aron Moss
