Ben Adam l"Chaveiro
During the days of Sefirah, as we mourn the petirah of the students of Reb Akiva who were niftar because they didn't sufficiently honor one another, we must increase achdus among Klal Yisrael and work on improving in this area.
The Midrash Tanchuma (Nitzavim 1) writes, "The nature of the world: When there is a bundle of sticks, no one can break them at once. But even a child can break a single stick. The same is with Yisrael. They are redeemed when they are united... When they are united, they receive the face of the Shechinah."
This describes the strength of Yidden when they are united. Each person, individually, may be weak and easily broken. But as a community, nothing can harm them.
The Power of Vitur
One year, when Reb Yisrael Salanter zt'l had yahrtzeit for his father, he planned to daven before the amud, but another person came in and said that it was his daughter's yahrtzeit. She passed away young, and the father wanted to daven before the amud in her memory. Reb Yisrael Salanter was mevater and gave up the amud to this man.
When the opportunity arose, Reb Yisrael Salanter's students asked their great rebbe why he was mevater. According to halachah, a yahrtzeit for a father is a greater obligation than a yahrtzeit for one's child. "For the sake of kibud av, you should have insisted that you want to daven before the amud", the students asked. Reb Yisrael Salanter replied, "My father zt'l received a greater benefit from my vitur, than if I had davened before the amud" (Chayei Mussar vol.2 p.217).
Let us learn from this story that the greatest merits come from being mevater. You earn much more in this manner than from what one gains by insisting that his demands be met.
I heard from one of the gaba'im of the Beis Yisrael of Gur zt'l, that once, close to Shabbos, a Yid who had many tzaros came to the Beis Yisrael's home. The rebbe asked him what he could offer him to drink, "Cold or hot?" The broken man replied that he wanted both. The Beis Yisrael told his gabbai to go to beis medresh and to tell them to begin to daven without him. In the meannime, he prepared for this man the two drinks that he requested. The gabbai returned and found the Beis Yisrael preparing the drinks. As he did so, he was saying the Chazal, פשעיו כל על לו מעבירין מדותיו על המעביר, a person goes beyond his limits for the sake of others, all of his aveiros are forgiven.
I heard the following story from the baal hamaaseh. He was a very good bachur; he had yiras Shamayim, good middos, and was a talmid chacham. But throughout his yeshiva years, there was one bachur who continuously harmed him with his lashon hara. For example, he would speak against him to his chavrusos, and succeeded, at times, to convince them to stop learning with him. When someone asked him for information for a shidduch, he gave negative information, which caused the other side to reject the shidduch.
Then the bachur, who was always speaking lashon hara on him, got engaged. As was customary in that yeshiva, he invited all the bachurim of the yeshiva to his chasunah. The bachur (who told me this story, the one who was harmed due to the lashon haras) debated whether he should attend the chasunah. He had another chasunah that night to go to, so he had an excuse prepared if asked why he didn't come to the chasunah. Nevertheless, he decided to forgive and forget everything the bachur did to him, and go to the chasunah. He danced there energetically in the chasan's honor.
The next day, a shidduch was spoken for this bachur. The shidduch had been suggested months before, but at that time, the girl’s father of the girl didn't want to consider it. This time, the father was interested. Two days later, the girl’s father said, "Such a good shidduch shouldn't be pushed off." That very day, the shidduch was completed. We learn from this story the power of vitur, when one is mevater and is על מעביר מדותיו with mesirus nefesh, how much he gains!
