By Sarah Chana Radcliffe
You aren't proud of the way you just behaved. In fact, you're ashamed of it but it happens again and again and you can't stop yourself.... When you find yourself repeatedly responding poorly to a loved one's behavior, suspect that you are having a triggered response - something that comes from a buried part of your personality from long ago.
You read parenting posts. You know what you SHOULD say to your spouse or child when provoked. But when you just can't do it, and you can never seem to stop yourself from responding the unfortunate way you ARE responding, there's something powerful going on. The first step toward healing is to ask yourself WHAT is that thing? Follow with self-compassion and a plan.
When your child is falling to pieces, the last thing she needs is...
When your child is whining and complaining and stressing and getting all worked up ("I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY HOMEWORK IS AND I'M GOING TO BE LATE WHO MOVED MY STUFF I NEED IT RIGHT NOW MY TEACHER WILL BE SO MAD...") it doesn't help for YOU to get worked up too. In fact, if you stay sane, calm and quiet, your energy and your model can help stabilize your child. And even if it doesn't, you and the rest of your household will be better off. Don't catch your child's frenetic energy; let her catch your calm.
