Despite trying to move forward, she was never able to fully let go of her past. Where else to turn but her Book of Psalms to find the right words that can capture her desire to transition to a life of goodness and no more sadness: Hafachta mispidi l’machol li – You overturned my pain into dance.
In her later years she imparted life lessons to us, her grandchildren, who she never imagined she’d see, in her everyday attitude and actions. We knew that every crumb was precious, never to be wasted. Every grandchild and great-grandchild was a miracle, never to be taken for granted. And every milestone was a momentous occasion to participate in and celebrate.
There was not one graduation, Visiting Day or Chumash party that she missed. Each time her heart filled with nachas and joy as she experienced the rebirth of her family. She reveled in her husband's Torah learning and scholarship, in her son’s success in medicine and in the beautiful home he built with his wonderful wife, her precious daughter-in-law.
She would thank G-d for all the blessings and riches she had, with her beloved Psalms in her hand.
She felt her life, in her tiny apartment in Rego Park, Queens, without the servants and fancy serving pieces, was complete. She would thank G-d for all the blessings and riches she had, and with her beloved Psalms in her hand she would sing: Kos yeshuos esa uv’sheim HaShem ekra – a cup of salvation I raise and in the Name of G-d I call.
In 1993 I went off to seminary and, upon my return trip for Passover I wanted to buy something for my Babi. I knew that her old Book of Psalms was battered and ripped and that it was time for a new one. I got her name engraved on the cover and when I presented it to her, the smile on her face and joy in her eyes convinced me that it was the right gift. At that moment she knew that I understood what was most important to her and the legacy she was passing on.
I have such vivid memories of my Babi reading from that Book of Psalms, day and night, well into her 90’s. Her connection with God was unflinching, her love for God palpable: Lehagid Baboker Chasdecha, Ve’emunascha Balaylos -- To declare Your loving kindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness in the night.
And so, sitting on my shelf for the past 18 years since her death, is my Babi’s precious Psalms, the one that I gifted to her 30 years ago. It’s a symbol of her tenacity, courage, strength, perseverance, profound faith and deep love. And now, since its pages are starting to brown and its letters starting to fade, I keep it in a frame on my shelf to preserve it for longer and safeguard it for many more years.
Whenever I walk by the shelf and see it from the corner of my eye, it serves as an inspiration to me. It reminds me that while thank G-d, my own highs and lows can’t begin to compare with what my Babi endured, I too, like everyone, have good days and more challenging ones. And that no matter what is going on in my life and the lives of those I love, I can find expression like she did, in the Book of Psalms.
Now that I am blessed to have grandchildren who call me their Babi, I look at that time machine on my shelf and feel responsible to not only transmit the physical book to my children and grandchildren, but all the lessons, prayers and tears it has absorbed as well. I try my best to give over the values and messages I was privileged to gain from previous generations, and to be the next link in the unbreakable chain: Dor l’dor yishabach ma’asecha – generation after generation will praise Your deeds.
Reprinted from the current website of aish.com A version of this article originally appeared in Mishpacha Magazine, Pesach 2023
