There are numerous stories with R’ Yisroel Salanter and the Chofetz Chaim where we see that they were more particular about bein adam lechaveiro, then they were in up keeping minhag Yisroel. For example, it’s well known that when the Chofetz Chaim had guests he wouldn’t sing sholam aleichem before the meal. Singing sholam aleichiem before the meal is a well-established minhag Yisroel, however, the Chofetz Chaim was worried that his guests may be hungry, and may have not eaten all day, and it’s not right to keep them waiting, just because of a minhag Yisroel. We see that the Chofetz Chaim held, that bein adam lechaveiro wins.
Similarly, there is a story with R’ Yisroel Salanter, that he paskened that they should skip out piyutim on Yomim Noraim. Soldiers used to come to davening and they only had a limited amount of time off. If the tzibbur would recite all the piyutim, davening would finish late into the afternoon, and the soldiers won’t be able have a Yom Tov meal. Once again we see, that although there is a well-established minhag to recite piyutim, bein adam lechaveiro wins.
In light of the above stories, R’ Luban sent a Teshuvah to R’ Cook asking why R’ Yitzchok Elchonon didn’t conduct himself in the same way was as the Chofetz Chaim and R’ Yisroel Salanter and put bein adam lechaveiro first. Similarly, in our case of the elderly frail grandfather, it’ true there is a minhag Yisroel to recite the berachos under the chuppah, but it’s only a minhag and surely bein adam lechaveiro of the grandfather should come first?
