A friend of mine had tremendous aggravation from his son who wasn’t doing well with Shiduchim. He went to Rav Galinsky to cry his heart out, since he realized that his son would probably remain a broken Bachur for the rest of his life. R’ Galinsky Zatzal told him that his pain was unfounded. He had plenty of Nachas from his other children; so why wasn’t he dancing all day about them??
R’ Galinsky Zatzal explained to him that people have a weird Geshmak in being sad, and they feel a certain sick importance about being a nebach. Self-pity is a Yetzer Hara! And: תוּיִח רָקיִﬠ הָמָל אֹל יִאְו תוֹדִמַה תַריִבְשׁ םָדָאָה םיִיַח וֹל the main point of life is Shviras HaMiddos. Our main purpose in life is breaking our Middos! The Orthodox community was always pained by all those anti-Semitic, self-hating Jews [like the N.Y. Times] who love putting themselves down!
Middos are tricky. Believe it or not, we all have a predisposition to secretly enjoy being a “Rachmanus case”; way before our actual difficult issue came up! You need to fight this all your life, by being happy to the extreme. There is a true Novardok story where the Novardokers were happy during a terrible time. Working on Middos needs Mesirus Nefesh.
I know a certain Yungerman, that whenever he has any kind of difficulty in life [including physical maladies], he yells at himself and he says: “You get what you secretly enjoy!” “Stop looking for trouble!” הֶצוֹר םָדָאֶשׁ ˂ֶרֶדְב הָּבּ ,˂ֵליֵל וֹתוֹא ןיִכיִלוֹמ ב י תוכמ A person is led in the way he wants to go!! He told me that it works like magic! Sometimes he needs to persist until he sees results. All kinds of problems disappear [including blood clots, Rachmana Litzlan].
