Praising the Chosan and Concerns of Lashon Hara

The Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer (end of Perek 17) teaches: חתן דומה למלך מה המלך הכל מקלסין אותו כך החתן הכל מקלסין אותו כל שבעה - “A chosan is compared to a king. Just like a king everyone praises, so too a chosan everyone praises him – all seven days of sheva berachos”.

The Gemara in Eruchin (16a) teaches: לעולם אל יספר אדם בטובתו של חבירו שמתוך טובתו בא לידי רעתו – “A person shouldn’t say praises about his friend, as by doing so, people will come to say his criticism’s”. Some Rishonim learn that this only applies in front of people who don’t like the person, however, Rashi learns that it applies in front of everyone. Rashi writes: שכשהוא מספר בטובתו יותר מדאי הוא עצמו אומר חוץ ממדה רעה זו או אחרים ששומעין שזה משבחו ואומרים הלא מדת כך וכך בידו – “When one says praise about another, the one speaking may come to say ‘besides for such and such’, or others will says ‘he has such and such issue’”. The question therefore is, why by a chosan are we not worried about the above?

This question was asked to R’ Chaim Kanievsky and he answered: “Since everyone present knows that it is being done to make the chosan happy, and they aren’t really saying the truth, there is no need to be concerned that people will start saying bad things about the chosan”.

The Madanay Asher suggests another three answers:

1. When a chosan gets married, all his sins are atoned for, and he is now a complete tzadik. Being that he is now a tzaddik, there is no reason to be concerned that people will speak badly about him.
2. Everyone is gathered together to honor the chosan. The entire purpose of the gathering is to give honor to the chosan and his family, and to offer praise to the family. Since this is the purpose, anyone who has bad things to say about the family won’t come. Therefore, there is no concern. Even those who are saying good things, we don’t need to be worried they may also say bad things, as doing so is against the entire purpose of the gathering.
3. The Chasam Sofer (6:59) asks: על מה סמכו העולם שמשבחים צדיקים הרי יכול לבא ליד גנות – “What does the world rely on, to give praise to tzadikim, surely they may stumble and say bad things?”. He answers: לספר בשבח הצדיקים הוא מצוה גדולה וא"כ אין לחוש שמא יבא לידי גנותו דהא מצוה בעידנא דעסיק בה מגנא ומצלי – “To say praise about tzadikim is a big mitzvah, therefore, there is no reason to be worried people will say bad things, as when one is doing a mitzvah he is protected”. Saying praise about a chosan is also a mitzvah, therefore, we can say the same answer.