The beginning of this week’s parsha deals with the laws of purity and impurity associated with childbirth. It also discusses the various korbonos that a woman who has given birth must bring, and briefly mentions the mitzvah of bris milah. Having a baby is a big simcha, and although for some people it comes very easily, some people have to wait for 87 years to have their first child. Some people struggle and try all sorts of segulos in order to try and have children. Already from the first day of marriage, we find that various things are done to serve as a segulah for having lots of children. The Rema (Even HaEzer 61:1) writes: החופה יש אומרים לעשות תחת השמים לסימן טוב שיהא זרעם ככוכבי השמים – “There are those who suggest making the chuppah under the sky. Doing so is a fortuitous sign for the couple to have as many children as the number of stars in the sky.” Therefore, being as this week’s parsha talks about childbirth, and that outdoor chuppah’s are a segulah for having lots of children, this week I would like to discuss the topic of outdoor chuppah’s and various related halachos.
Besides for the topic of outdoor chuppah’s being slightly connected to the weekly parsha, there is another reason I have to chosen to discuss this topic. The Yom Tov of Pesach is just around the corner. One of the stand out features of Pesach, is that a lot of the things people do are based on minhagim. As we will see, the topic of outdoor chuppah’s is similar, in that a lot of the discussion is based on minhag more than strict halachah. We will even see an application, where some poskim maintain that minhag overrides bein adam lechaveiro.
On Pesach many people have a minhag not to eat out by other people. Sometimes, people get invited to their best friend for a meal on Pesach, and they feel that although they have a minhag not to eat out on Pesach, perhaps bein adam lechaveiro comes first. Normally we do say this, but there are certainly times when we don’t, below iy’H we will see some applications of when bein adam lechaveiro comes first, and we will also see an application of when minhag comes first. Although, not directly the topic of the week, we should be able to determine by the end of our discussion if in such a case one should eat out by his friend, or if he should perhaps stick to his family minhag.
Reasons for Outdoor Chuppah’s
As we mentioned above, the Rema (Even HaEzer 61:1) writes: יש אומרים לעשות החופה תחת השמים לסימן טוב שיהא זרעם ככוכבי השמים – “There are those who suggest making the chuppah under the sky. Doing so is a fortuitous sign for the couple to have as many children as the number of stars in the sky.”
The She’aris Ya’akov (Even HaEzer 18) cites six additional reasons for why we make chuppah’s outdoors:
- Looking at Shomayim instills fear into people. Consequently, chuppah’s are held outdoors under Shomayim, to help instill fear into the chosan and kallah. This is to ensure that they do teshuva and correct there ways from now and on. Similarly, the witnesses will also be inspired to do teshuva.
- To hint to the chosan and kallah that they should be at peace with each other. If they are at peace, the Shechinah will come and rest in their midst, and the one who created the Heavens and the Earth will dwell amongst them.
- To hint to the chosan that his kallah was prepared and destined for him, by the One who created Heaven and Earth.
- To hint to the chosan and kallah that they are getting married in order to have children - which are made up of a neshomah from Above, and a body (guf) from below. Hakodosh Boruch Hu connects the two together.
- To act as a warning that they should never betray each other. The Heaven’s and the Earth act as witnesses. This is why the kallah goes around the chosan seven times. Seven times corresponds to the seven skies. (The Heaven’s don’t literally serve as witnesses, rather, Hashem who sits in the seven skies serves as a witness.)
- To hint, that although Hashem want’s that husband and wife to love each other very much, they shouldn’t get to carried away and forgot about Hashem and his Torah. Therefore, they get married under the Heavens to remind them of the Ribbono Shel Olam.
The sefer Hadras Kodesh (Inyonei Nisuin, pg. 51) adds an additional reason: We are coming to hint to the chosan that he is leaving his fathers house, and that from now on he has no one to rely on except for his Father in Heaven.
The sefer Kol Yemei Chayei relates that when the Satmar Rebbe got married, his father the Kedushas Yom Tov called him over and explained to him why we get married outdoors under the Heavens. He explained that there is a connection between the chuppah and the mitzvah of succah. A succah needs to be under the open skies, as it is a time when one needs to strengthen in his emunah (צלא דמהימנותא), and to work on realizing that the house and roof over his head that he is accustomed to, is really all the Ribbono Shel Olam. The succah is built under the open skies to remind us the that the Ribbono Shel Olam is in charge. The Kedushas Yom Tov then explained that the same thing is with the chuppah. A chosan thinks that everything will be ok, my father will look after me, my father-in-law will look after me etc. etc. To help the chosan quickly dispel such a notion from his mind, and to help him realize that he has no one to rely on except the Ribbono Shel Olam, and that everything in life is orchestrated from the one above, we make the chuppah outdoors under the open skies. Immediately after the week of sheva berachos had finished, his father, the Kedushas Yom Tov was niftar, and he then understood what his father was hinting at on the day of his chuppah.
If One Wants to Make the Chuppah Inside Shul Is it Allowed?
The Chasam Sofer (Shu”t, siman 98, cited in Pischei Teshuvah, Even HaEzer 61:12) discusses if it is ok to change the early and well established custom of making chuppah’s outdoors, and to start making them indoors, inside shul. The Chasam Sofer cites a Maharam Mintz, which seems to imply that a chuppah may be made inside shul. He also cites the Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 391:3 (the Rema) which seems to imply that they use to make chuppah’s inside shul.
The Chasam Sofer then says however: דהיינו לפי המנהג שהזכיר מהר"ם מינץ שם שעושין מקודם חופה א' בשחרית בחצר בית הכנסת תחת השמים הנקרא חופת מאיי"ן, והוא נהוג גם עתה בדמיין ובכל פרוודהא אבל במדינות אלו שלא נהגו מעולם בחופת מאיי"ן יש לעשות החופה של כלונסאות בחצר בית הכנסת תחת השמים לסימן ברכה - “This is all according to the custom mentioned in the Maharam Mintz that before the main chuppah they would make another type of chuppah, in the morning, in the shul courtyard, under the opens skies, known as a ‘chuppas me’in’. This is still the custom today in certain places. However, in our towns we no longer have such a chuppah beforehand, therefore, the chuppah must be performed outdoors in the courtyard of the shul under the open skies, to bring a good omen to the marriage.”
The Chasam Sofer concludes: בהא סלקינן כל ישראל יוצאים ביד רמ"א להעמיד החופה תחת השמים לסימנא טבא להתקיים בו ברכת אברהם, ואשר לא חפץ בברכה ונרחק ממנו, מתכווין ללמוד מדרכי אומות עולם אשר לא נתברכו בכוכבים ומזדווגים זיווגיהם בבית תפלתם יהיה כמותם והמתאוים לברכת אבותם יהיה צאצאי מעיהם כמותם וכמעי הים ירבו דגתם ימלא ה' לטובה כל משאלותם – “About such a thing we say ‘Klal Yisroel left with the Rema in their hands’ (a play on words to mean, Klal Yisroel follow the rulings of the Rema), to perform chuppah’s outdoors, as a good omen that they should be blessed with the blessing of Avraham Avinu. He who does not desire the blessing [of Avraham Avinu], he who is removed from it, intends to learn from the way of the Gentiles, who do not enjoy the blessing of the stars. They, indeed, marry inside their house of worship. Let such a Jew enjoy their fate [i.e. the fate of the Gentiles, bereft of the special divine blessing associated with Avraham Avinu’s standing under the stars]. However, those who want the blessing of Avraham Avinu, may they and their descendants be like them, and be fruitful like the fish in the sea, and may Hashem fulfill all their requests for the good.”
The Aruch HaShulchan (Even HaEzer 61) also writes: חדשים מקרוב באו לשנות מנהגי ישראל ולהתדמות לעכו''ם ואין רוצים בברכה להעמיד החופה תחת השמים, וידם על התחתונה ויד מקיימי מנהגי ישראל על העליונה - “New people are coming along, and trying to change the customs of Klal Yisroel. They are trying to act like the non-Jews, and don’t want to perform chuppah’s outdoors under the open skies. They have the lower hand, and those who make sure to have them outside and keep the custom of Klal Yisroel have the upper hand.”
May a Rov Serve As a Mesader Kiddushin If the Chuppah Is Being Held Indoors?
R’ Moshe Feinstein (Igros Moshe, Even HaEzer 1:93) was asked if a rov may serve as a mesader kiddushin in a place that performs a chuppah inside shul, if he is worried that if he doesn’t go he will lose his job and have no income?
R’ Moshe writes: “It’s clear and obvious, that even if the rov’s job isn’t at risk, not only is he allowed to be mesader kiddushin, he is obligated to, as it his responsibility that the kiddushin is carried out according to Torah law. This is part of the responsibilities of a rav of a community. There are many prominent Rabbonim and Geonim, even in New York, that serve as a mesader kiddushin in chuppah’s that are held inside houses and they go because they are close friends or related to the families.”
R’ Moshe continues: “Making a chuppah under the open sky is simply a custom done for siman berachah, it’s not an enactment of Chazal, and it’s not even a custom based on a din or concern for an issur. It’s not even a mitzvah that we can say that if one doesn’t do it he violates a mitzvah and is considered a ba’al aveirah ... Therefore, chas vesholam to consider such people ba’alay aveirah, and a rov Is allowed to go to such a chuppah, even if he won’t lose anything by not going.”
R’ Moshe continues: “Even the Chasam Sofer never said there was a prohibition in making such a chuppah, he just said that people who do so are copying and learning from the ways of the non-Jews. Even then he never said it’s forbidden, he just said that such people ‘don’t desire the blessing of Avraham Avinu’. And that Chazal are very unhappy with such people.”
Finally, R’ Moshe concludes: וגם דבר זה מסתבר שלא כתב זה החת"ס אלא במקומו שהותחלו אז הרשעים שבשם רעפארמער נקראו לעקור כל מנהגי ישראל והרבה עיקרי תורה ובשביל זה רצו להנהיג לעשות בביהכ"נ ולשנות המנהג שעושים תחת השמים, לכן כתב עליהם אשר לא חפץ בברכה, אבל אם מה שאינו רוצה תחת השמים הוא שלא בכוונת רעפארם לא אמר זה - “It’s logical that the Chasam Sofer only wrote this for people in his time, as at that time the reform was starting off, and they wanted to uproot all the customs of Klal Yisroel, and many fundamental Torah laws. In light of this, the reform wanted to start making chuppah’s inside shul and change from the custom of making them outside. Therefore, the Chasam Sofer wrote (very harshly) ‘they don’t want the blessings (of Avraham)’. However, if the reason one wants to make a chuppah indoors is nothing to do with the reform, then even the Chasam Sofer would agree that one could”.
Although, R’ Moshe clearly holds that the Chasam Sofer’s ruling was specific to his time when the reform movement was up and raising, there are other poskim who learn that the Chasam Sofer’s ruling was a blanket rule relevant for all times and places.
Eleven Reasons for Not Making a Chuppah Inside Shul
The Mahari Asad (Shu”t, Orach Chaim 38) has a Teshuvah in which he discusses about outdoor chuppah’s and what the halachah is if one wants to get married inside a shul. He has a lengthy Teshuvah and at the end he sums up and brings very briefly eleven reasons for not making a chuppah inside shul. To fully understand the reasons you may need to look up the Teshuvah inside. Here are the eleven reasons:
- Based on the Gemara in Kiddushin (52b) and Tosfos: אשה בעזרה מניין - “What is a women doing in the courtyard of the Beis HaMikdosh?”. Just like women aren’t supposed to be found in the azorah, similarly they aren’t supposed to be found inside a shul.
- Perhaps due to shock of the chuppah the kallah will become a niddah (and some say a niddah shouldn’t go to shul).
- Based on the aforementioned Rema, that a chuppah should be held under the open skies as a fortuitous sign for the couple to have as many children as the number of stars in the sky.
- To avoid the mixing of men and women in a holy place.
- Women who are a niddah shouldn’t go to shul, this may apply to the kallah or other women in attendance.
- It is forbidden to change the accepted custom, kal vechomer from tefillah (like we find in the Magen Avraham 68).
- From the Zohar it is clear, that the chuppah is like Matan Torah when Hashem lifted the mountain over Klal Yisroel’s head.
- Like kiddush levonah.
- We want to atone for the chet hoegel. At that time, Klal Yisroel sinned with aroyas [forbidden relations] in public. To help atone for this sin which was done in public, we make the chuppah outdoors so that the berachah: שאסר לנו העריות - “who forbade on us forbidden relationships”, can be recited in public.
- We want to publicize the simcha shel mitzvah [excitement of a mitzvah], like it says: ישמע בערי יהודא ובחוצות ירושלים קול ששון כו' קול מצהלות חתנים מחופתם כו' - “It should be heard in the cities of Yehuda, in the outskirts of Yerusholayim, the voice of rejoicing etc. the voice of the chosan coming down from the chuppah etc.” The pasuk stresses ובחוצות, as we want to spread the simcha as far as possible, even to the outskirts.
- Non-Jews get married indoors, therefore because of the commandment: ובחקותיהם לא תלכו - “in their ways you shouldn’t go”, one must specifically get married outdoors.
What If It’s Raining and Cold Outside?
The Sdei Chemed (Vol 7, Mareches Chosan ois 1, pg. 400) cites many Sephardi poskim who maintain that even if it is cold and raining outside, the chuppah should still take place outdoors. He then cites the following story which happened in his city: “Two rich and prominent mechutonim came from another city to make the chuppah of their children in my town, and they invited me to be the mesader kiddushin. I went, and it was a cold and snowy day. One of the organizers behind the wedding whispered into my ear that the chosan and kallah are weak hearted people and struggle to function in the cold, and it would be very difficult for them to stand outdoors throughout the duration of the chuppah. Therefore, they want the chuppah to be held indoors. The organizer hinted to me, that the mechutonim won’t listen to me if I tell them otherwise.”
The Sdei Chemed continues: “I told him about the ruling of the Chasam Sofer, and how he cites the pasuk ‘Klal Yisroel left with the Rema in their hands’, which means that the custom is to do like the Rema and to make chuppah’s outdoors, and that even rich and influential people are included. Then I told him, that they have already travelled a long distance by horse and cart, through the freezing cold to get here, and nothing happened. Certainly now, that they are actually doing a mitzvah we can say the rule of ‘one who does a mitzvah will know no harm’”.
The Sdei Chemed then concludes: ואם כי אין בכוחי להכריחם על זה, אך גם אין בכוחם להכריחני לבטל דעתי והריני שב אל ביתי כאשר באתי ולא אהיה בהחופה כלל ואשריהם ישראל קיימו מה שקיבלו כבר אבותיהם והסכימו שלא לשנות המנהג ועשינו החופה תחת אויר השמים כדת משה וישראל – “Although, I can’t force people to do things, people also can’t force me. If they aren’t prepared to make the chuppah outdoors I will return home, and I won’t take part in the chuppah at all. Praiseworthy is Yisroel, who keep that which their forefathers kept. They finally agreed not to change the custom, and we made the chuppah outdoors under the sky, according to the ‘laws of Moshe and Yisroel”.
In the Kuntros Kerem Shlomah (pg. 58) it’s brought down that R’ Shlomah Zalman Auerbach was also very particular that chuppah’s be held outdoors, even when there is lots of rain and very cold outside.
