One day, as I was picking up my daughter from childcare, her teacher approached me and said, “thank so much for the letter, it really made my day.” It didn’t know what she was talking about, but I knew better then to say “what letter?” and just smiled back. When I got home I found a note on the floor that my wife had written for our eight-year-old son, apologising to his teacher that he had gotten to school late. I had a hunch that there was a connection between the two notes, and I called my wife to clarify the situation. She explained that when she wrote the note for our older son, our two-year-old daughter began screaming that she too wanted a note. In order to calm her down, my wife wrote her a note for her teacher, in which she thanked her for the time and effort she daily puts invests in our younger daughter. Apparently, our eight-year-old did not consider his note to be of foremost importance, and it was left on the floor. Our daughter, however, was proud to be able to emulate her big brother, and joyfully delivered her note to her teacher.
The note my wife gave our daughter wasn’t empty praise but an expression of the true emotion and deep gratitude we feel toward our daughter’s wonderful and dedicated teacher, yet was it not for the insistence of our young daughter, we would have missed the opportunity to express our thanks and appreciation in written form.
In his book Words that Hurt, Words That Heal, Rabbi Joseph Telushkin tells that he once presided over the funeral of the wife of one of the elderly members of his congregation. At the end of the ceremony, the husband refused to budge from his wife’s fresh grave. The Rabbi waited patiently for him, and eventually told him gently that he thought it was time to leave. “You don’t understand,” the man responded, “I loved my wife.” Rabbi Telushkin waited several more minutes, then suggested again that they leave. The husband turned to him and said, “I loved my wife. And once, I almost told her.” How deep is our pain and sorrow when we realise that something which we could once have said easily – and never did – is now out of all reach.
