Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner
Old Mrs. Abramowitz went to the butcher shop looking for a chicken for dinner. She asked the butcher to see his selection. He only had one chicken left but did not disclose this to Mrs. Abramowitz. He kept the chickens in the bin below the showcase and so he reached down and pulled out his last chicken. He put it on the scale, Mrs. Abramowitz eyed the weight and asked if he had one a little larger.
"Yes," he replied. He took the chicken and lowered it down to the empty bin, shook it against the side and brought it back out. This time when he placed it on the scale his trained thumb hung just a little bit on the edge of the scale.
Catching what happened, Mrs. Abramowitz said, "That is fine, I'll take both of them."
Easy on the Eggs
Danny Steinberg decided to work on a Kibbutz in Israel for the summer as it had always been his dream. One Sunday morning, Danny was in line for breakfast in the communal dining room. The Kibbutz had a cook who asked Danny how he wanted his eggs.
Not wanting to burden him, Danny said cheerfully, "Whatever is easiest for you."
With that, the cook took two eggs, cracked them open onto my plate, and handed it back to him.
Inspiring Words
As Leah and Isaac are walking back home after the shabbos service, Leah says, "Do you know darling, I think Rabbi Bloom today made one of the best sermons I've heard for years. He's really inspired me."
"I agree with you there, Leah," says Isaac. "He's very good. In fact, I think he would really appreciate someone saying something positive about him for a change. So as you like his sermons so much, why don't you shmooze him a bit next shabbos and tell him how much you enjoy his sermons?"
"I might just do that," says Leah.
Next shabbos, as soon as the service finishes, Leah goes over to Rabbi Bloom.
"Good shabbos rabbi," she says. "I want to tell you just how much I enjoy all your sermons. They're wonderful works of inspiration. They're so good in fact, that I think you should have them published. What an inspirational book that would be."
"Why thank you Leah," says Rabbi Bloom. "I'm very flattered. But there are many rabbis whose sermons are much, much better than mine are."
"I cannot believe that, rabbi," says Leah.
"Well if they're really as good as you think," says Rabbi Bloom thinking aloud, "maybe my sermons should be published posthumously."
"Great!" says Leah. "What a good idea, rabbi. I look forward to getting a copy of your book."
The Pregnant Man
David and Cheryl Rabinowitz were at their first pre-natal class. So that the David could get an idea of what it felt like to be pregnant, the instructor strapped a bag of sand to his stomach.
As he walked around with his new bulge, David said: "This doesn't feel too bad."
Then the instructor deliberately dropped a pen and said to David: "Now I want you to pick up that pen as if you were pregnant."
"You want me to do it the way my wife would?" confirmed the David.
"Exactly the same," said the instructor.
David turned to his wife Cheryl and said: "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
