Bigdei kehuna, the priestly garments. In Novardok, they wanted to be like whatever concept they were holding by, and in this case, the kohanim with their begadim. Saying different pshetlach and explanations of how exactly the bigdei kehuna (priestly garments) were is great, but even greater is actually applying the messages to our daily lives (See Igeres haRamban, as well as Chovos haLevavos: Shaar Avodas ha'Elokim Chapter 4, where he ranks the general study of Torah as level eight, whereas the specific study of chovos halevavos and one's personal application of it as level nine). So what is one lesson for us? Number-one is this that they had specific begadim! The Torah cares how the kohanim should appear! Hashem cares about the details! (But don’t get carried away.)
We have an ongoing stirah and paradox that goes on in that on the one hand Hashem is above all, does not need us in the slightest (do not misunderstand the concept of ein melech b'lo am, for Hashem is in truth perfectly self-sufficient), and our entire mission in this world is simply to connect with Him in the most basic and real way, whereas on the other hand...the religion has just so many details, exactly how to make tefilin, how much bread to eat, etc. So how do these two opposite concepts work together? Answer: Do both! And the Madreigas ha'Adam (Tikun haMidos 6) says in fact that this is the advantage of the chacham (the wise son) over the tam (the simpleton), like it says: hevi arum b'yira, be clever in Fear of Heaven—don't let the yeitzer hara (evil inclination) trick you so fast! And what is often the number-one trick? Thinking that we are a zero! Thinking that we are no good! Thinking that we cannot make a difference in the world! But the truth is exactly the opposite: One little prayer can save the day!
Story:
When the talmidei Novardok came to America, many chose Rebbi Aharon Kotler z"l as their rebbi, and they saw in him very much "Novardok" (like his "fire"). Rav Ruderman z"l of Ner Yisrael (originally from Slabodka, like R' Aharon) even said that Rebbi Aharon was really more the Novardok-type than Slabodka. R' Aharon couldn’t have cared less what the outside world thought or held, and was rather busy with just one thing: spreading Hashem's Torah!
Question:
Help! Wherever I turn, I have another halacha sheila (halachic question)." "
Answer:
Pray to G-d that your doubts should leave you (just joking). But really, when the heilige Chazon Ish z"l would hit a brick-wall in learning, he would...daven! And not davening with a kvetch or depression, but rather davening out of happiness and love of Hashem! When he would finish davening, he would often collapse into the chair next to him. When they would need to interrupt him for pikuach nefesh questions, it was almost impossible to pull him out of shemoneh esrei. And even halacha lamaaseh: The Chazon Ish disagrees with the Mishna Berura who advises finishing maariv shemoneh esrei Friday night in time to say vayichulu together with the tzibur, and says rather that you can take as much time as you like, for the greatness of davening long (if that’s what works for you, others like the Brisker Rav z"l would daven davka short) is an explicit gemara, whereas the concept of saying vayichulu together with the tzibur is not. (He also says that it is not necessary to find someone else to repeat it together with, ayin sham).
Back to the question: get yourself a rabbi that speaks to your neshama. He need not be the rashkebehag (i.e. the biggest and the greatest), but rather just someone that you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding a geshmake halacha sefer that works for you could also help. Hatzlacha!
