R’ Ben Tzion Felman used to say over, that he heard from R’ Gavriel Riklis, who heard from the Ponevezher Rov, who heard from R’ Asher Kalman MiKelm, that in the next few pasukim we learn the story about Vashti. On the seventh day of the feast, Achashveirosh asked that she be brought in front of him so that he could show off her beauty. The Gemara in Megillah (12b) explains that he didn’t simply ask that she be brought in front of him, he asked that she be brought in unclad. Vashti refused, “The king got very angry, and his anger was burning inside him”, Achashveirosh completely lost his cool, and he was inconsolable, and the only thing that managed to calm him down was the execution of his wife - Vashti.
If we stop and think for a second, this story is unbelievable. How could someone like Achashveirosh ask such a ridiculous thing from his queen. Even the lowest of the low don’t ask for such ridiculous things. What’s even more difficult is, when Achashveirosh saw that she refused to come, he was inconsolable and wasn’t able to return to his senses until he had her executed. Achashveirosh ruled over 127 provinces, surely, he was a very wise man, otherwise he would never have gotten the job he had in the first place. How could it be that such a successful king would make such ridiculous requests, and how could it be that nothing could calm him down, except for the execution of his queen?
The answer is, that this is why the Megillah which was written with ruach hakodesh introduces us to the great wealth of Achashveirosh, and tells us about how much money Achashveirosh would spend on seemingly pointless things. Already from the beginning of his reign, Achashveirosh got what he wanted. If Achashveirosh had a desire for something he got it, he lived without any limitations, anything he desired he got. If Achashveirosh wanted beautiful curtains made from the most expensive materials he got it, if he wanted the latest whatever it was, he got it. The more he followed his desires and got what he wanted, the bigger his desires grew. Eventually he got to the stage, that if he had a desire to design the floor which everyone walks on with their muddy shoes with the most expensive stones and diamonds, he got that as well. If he wanted flooring designed from בהט ושש ודר וסחרת, he got it.
When a person follows his desires, he falls lower and lower and lower, until he can’t go any further. He turns crazy, and he will end up doing things that even the lowest of the low would never dream of. Because Achashveirosh got what he wanted, when he wanted it, he ended up asking for crazy things. He fell so low, that he even asked for his wife to turn up unclad in front of everyone. And because he had stooped so low, and was used to getting what he wanted, he couldn’t cope when he was told “NO”. The only thing that would calm him down was something ridiculous – the execution of his wife.
The lesson we must take from here is, how dangerous it is to follow our desires, and how low we can fall if we do. Even if now and again we do go after our desires it must be with limitation. If we don’t, then we may end up doing things which anyone with even half a brain would realize never to do. One who follows his desires will fall lower and lower and will end up forgetting the line between what is normal, and what is absolutely ridiculous.
On the other hand, kedusha is the exact opposite (זה לעומת זה ברא אלקים). If a person overcomes his desires and makes boundaries of what is allowed and what is not allowed, what one is supposed to do, and what one is not supposed to do, he will become elevated and he will climb higher and higher. If one works on overcoming his desires, Hashem will help him continue to climb, and he will be given the strength to do more and more, and he will end up doing things he never dreamed he could ever do. If one works on his kedusha, Hashem gives him siyata dishmayah. Like it says in Yoma (39a): אדם מקדש עצמו מעט מקדשין אותו הרבה מלמטה מקדשין אותו מלמעלה – “If one sanctifies himself a little, (Hashem) sanctifies him a lot, if one works on himself below, they help sanctify him from Above”.
The Vilna Gaon on the aforementioned pasuk of, על רצפת בהט ושש ודר וסחרת, writes an important lesson in regard to running after our desires. He writes: “The yetzer horah enters into us slowly, first he wants food and drink, then he wants fancy clothes, then he wants nice beds and mattresses, then he wants gold and silver, then he wants precious stones and diamonds, a person never dies with half of what he wants in his hand”. In short, the yetzer horah tries to make us follow our desires, and slowly, slowly, before we know it, we end up at rock bottom. We must learn from Achashveirosh not to follow our desires and on the contrary, to make boundaries. Then iy’H we will rise higher and higher and reach levels we never dreamed of.
Understanding the Big ח
The Rokeach explains that the letter ח is written very large because the Megillah is alluding to Achashveirosh’s attire at his party. The letter ח has the numerical value of eight; it is written large to inform us that, in an act of extreme impropriety and defilement, Achashveirosh wore the eight holy garments reserved specifically for the Kohen Gadol.
