I grew up going to reform synagogue all the time. I was devoted to my youth group where I made tons of great Jewish friends. Conversation topics included what our purpose is in life, feminist theory, and where we could best apply our talents to contribute to repairing the world.
I had aspirations to become a doctor. I would work in third world countries to give back to the world. I went to college wanting to put the whole Jewish thing on the back burner for a while. With political demonstrations, clubs, Greek life, social life, etc., the promise of a free Birthright trip to Israel wooed me back into the folds of the Jewish world.
The love of Israel took hold of me, leading me to seek out other ways to get back to Israel. Looking back, I see how this was my soul expressing its thirst for Torah, but without all the means to do so.
I attended a Shabbaton in New Jersey where I met a woman who was a periodontist with eight children and a Shabbat table full of guests. Being part of a Jewish community, but after seeing her and how appreciative this woman’s husband was of all she did, I wrote in my phone notes from Teachings...
You might think that divine sparks are meted out by simple protocol: The lowlier the creation, the lowlier the divine spark it holds. Just the opposite: Only the highest sparks could descend to the lowest places and retain their power to sustain a being. Those are the sparks remaining to be rescued today.
By Chaya Raizel Michaelson
...husband. And also made me want to be religious LOL.”
L-O-L. Who’s laughing now?
I travelled back and forth to Israel throughout college, usually on secular trips, but I kept being drawn back to Torah. During college, while I was interning at a hospital in Jerusalem, I spent every afternoon learning at free classes in the Old City at the Aish HaTorah center to get all of my deep questions about Judaism and G-d answered.
I went at it relentlessly. In my politically-oriented college classes, I was exhausted by how often tides changed and how things that were accepted as bulletproof truths would disintegrate with the newest fad of thinking. But Torah always stayed the same.
I went through phases of leaning into or away from Torah observance. For a number of years I had a foot in each world. Once in a while, this schism, this rupture, would bubble up to the surface and I felt the pain of not knowing whether I could ever be content without acting on this truth in my life.
By the time my senior year rolled around, I was pretty far away from a Torah observant life, showing up to my local Chabad House in Glastonbury, Connecticut, once in a while. But I found that the more I leaned into the egotistical pursuit of self-actualization, the more lost I felt.
After college, I spent six months living in Tel Aviv, working for Magen David Adom. On Fridays, I would go out with my friends till the late hours of the night. But as time went on, I started dragging myself out of bed on Saturday mornings to make it to services at Chabad, no matter how little sleep I got.
When I came home from that program, my world fell apart. I leaned on Torah to get me through that rough time. I sat down with my Chabad House Rebbetzin and told her I had made a decision: I was ready to take on this journey. I started going to my Chabad House for Tanya classes and Shabbat services. I met a woman visiting from Crown Heights. She told me about a great place for young Jewish women to learn Torah. With her Jewish mother spirit, she invited me to come stay with her for a week and check it out. I accepted and soon found myself in Crown Heights.
My love for learning Torah grew exponentially. I was stunned by how committed these girls were to Torah study, with their little notebooks and diligence to the attendance and learning schedule.
Leaving behind two medical jobs and pending replies from graduate school applications, I enrolled in Machon L’Yahadus Women’s Program and continued on for the next semester. Although I wasn’t really convinced that Crown Heights was for me, the principal told me some great advice: If you’re learning and you’re being inspired, that’s what matters.
I had classes that got me absolutely hooked on Chassidic philosophy, the most warm welcome from the students at school, and the pure love and joy in the community.
I was able to work at the Urgent Care center in the evenings. In high school and college I had these grandiose ideas on how I wanted to change the world. But now I see my role in this community, in elevating this physical world to be a place where G-d feels comfortable to be.
I still have aspirations to become a PA, maybe even a periodontist like the woman who inspired me in New Jersey, but we’ll see. With my time at Machon L’Yahadus, I’m learning what it really means to be a Jewish woman and live out the mission that only my individual soul can accomplish.
I recently saw some of my friends from my Jewish youth group. I gave them my life update, explained everything I do, and shared some Chassidic thoughts in the conversation. One of my friends told me, “You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” Thank you G-d for sending me on this extremely windy journey that led me to Machon L’Yahadus, and I can’t wait to see what else You have in store for me.
For more information about Machon L’Yahadus visit womensyeshiva.org or call (718) 552-2422.
