Honoring One's Father and Mother
In a teaching from my father, Rabbi Yoram Abargel, of blessed memory (Imrei Noam, Parashat Yitro, maamar 9), he explained as follows:
As is known, at Mount Sinai the Jewish people merited to receive the Ten Commandments, which were later engraved upon the two tablets of the covenant — five on one tablet and five on the other.
On the right tablet were written the first five commandments, which center on man's obligations toward Hashem: "I am Hashem your G-d," "You shall have no other gods," "You shall not invoke the Name of Hashem in vain," "Remember the Shabbat day," and "Honor your father and your mother" (Shemot 20:2–12).
On the left tablet were written the remaining five commandments, which concern man's obligations toward his fellow: "You shall not murder," "You shall not commit adultery," "You shall not steal," "You shall not bear false witness," and "You shall not covet" (Shemot 20:13–14).
This immediately raises an obvious question. The final commandment on the first tablet — "Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be lengthened" — seems to concern respect for other people. It would appear to belong among the mitzvot between man and his fellow. Why, then, was it written on the right tablet, together with the commandments that concern man's honor of Hashem?
To answer this, we must first introduce the teaching of the holy Gemara (Kiddushin 30b): "There are three partners in the formation of a person: the Holy One, blessed be He, his father, and his mother. When a person honors his father and mother, the Holy One, blessed be He, says: I consider it as though I dwelled among them and they honored Me."
Elsewhere, Chazal explain this partnership more fully, describing the role of the Creator, the father, and the mother in the formation of a child (Niddah 31a). From the father's portion come the white elements from which the bones, sinews, nails, brain, and white of the eye are formed. From the mother's portion come the red elements from which the skin, flesh, blood, hair, and black of the eye are formed.
Corresponding to the ten elements given by father and mother together, the Holy One, blessed be He, gives ten elements of His own: ruach, neshamah, the radiance of the face, sight, hearing, speech, movement, daat, binah, and intellect.
This answers our question. Why is honoring one's father and mother counted among the commandments that relate to the honor of Hashem?
Because father and mother are partners with the Holy One, blessed be He, in the creation of a person. Therefore, as part of the honor we owe Hashem, we are obligated to honor His partners in our formation. The obligation to honor one's parents flows from the obligation to honor the Holy One, blessed be He.1 For this reason, this commandment too is counted among those that relate to the honor of Heaven.
And since father, mother, and the Holy One, blessed be He, share a real partnership in the formation of a person, one is obligated to honor and revere his father and mother just as he is obligated to honor and revere Hashem. Whoever, Heaven forbid, diminishes the honor of his father or mother and causes them pain is, in a sense, diminishing the honor of Hashem and causing pain above.
For this reason, our Sages were exceedingly careful to honor their parents with the greatest reverence.
The Gemara (Kiddushin 31b) tells of the holy Tanna Rabbi Tarfon, whose elderly mother needed assistance climbing into bed. Whenever she wished to go up, Rabbi Tarfon would bend down to the ground so she could step onto his back and climb from there into bed. And when she wished to descend, he would again bend down so she could step onto his back and descend to the floor.
The Talmud Yerushalmi (Pe'ah 1:1) adds that once Rabbi Tarfon's mother was walking in her courtyard and lost one of her sandals. So that her feet would not become soiled, Rabbi Tarfon placed his hands beneath her feet, and she walked upon his hands until she completed her walk and returned to bed.
Whoever honors his parents, brings them joy, fulfills their wishes, and gladdens their hearts will merit abundant blessing from Heaven. Both his material and spiritual endeavors will be blessed with great success, for the blessings parents give a child who brings them joy accomplish tremendous things above — at times even more than the blessings of great tzaddikim.2
In our parashah, this idea is emphasized with great clarity.
Wellsprings of Wisdom
1. The Ramban explains (Shemot 20:12) that honoring one's father and mother is included among the commandments that relate to the honor of Hashem, "for honoring one's father is the honor of G-d, since He commanded us to honor the father who participates in one's formation."
2. Rabbi Eliyahu Dov Klor related that in his youth, while he was learning in Rabbi Shlomo Heiman's yeshivah in Vilna, the Chafetz Chaim came to visit the city. All the yeshivah students prepared excitedly to greet him and receive his blessing. Rabbi Klor's father, however, feared that his son might be harmed in the large crowd, and sent him a telegram forbidding him to go. Rabbi Klor obeyed, though he felt the loss deeply when the other students returned and told him that the Chafetz Chaim had blessed them with long life. Many years later, Rabbi Klor discovered that he had outlived all eighty students who had received that blessing. He explained to his grandson that while the blessing of the Chafetz Chaim was immeasurably precious, he had merited the Torah's own blessing for honoring one's father: "so that your days may be lengthened" (Otzar Peninim VeUvdot, vol. 2, p. 664).
