Mizbeach That Weeps
Question: Hi Rabbi, I was always confused by the Gemara that says that the Mizbeach cries after a couple gets divorced. Being divorced and happily remarried, I was always lost with the interpretation that the Mizbeach is mourning the potential of the marriage. My first marriage was terrible; there was only something to mourn if I had stayed in it. I never liked that Pshat, since I find it inadequate and sort of not real-life. Maybe if there were kids involved, I could understand it as alluding to the parents and their self-interests; that they should’ve tolerated each other more, worked on themselves, and stuck it out for all the good things. Yeah, that’s a shame. But what about all those people who suffered and finally got out? What’s the real explanation here? Why are their tears, if there is a happy ending, and families are less miserable apart?
Answer: Do you know, I used to be a die-hard against divorce. Novardokers tend to be like that. However, I have heard this from BIG people. And one of them is Greenwald, the famous psychiatrist, Adam Gadol Mamash, Yankel Greenwald. He told a friend of mine, THERE IS A PARSHA OF DIVORCE. Face reality! Get divorced! I was very much against that, until I discussed it with R' ... and other Gedolim. They all taught me: NO! There is a time and place for divorce!
Now look, I don't believe that you should waste your time trying to figure out "What's that Chazal all about?" We have two Chazal's. We have Chazal, and then we have an open Passuk. It says in the Torah: וְהָיָה אִם לֹא תִמְצָא חֵן בְעֵינָיו וְכָתַב לָהּ סֵפֶר כְרִ יתֻת וְנָתַן בְיָדָהּ תצא כד א If she is displeasing to him, he shall write her a bill of divorce. You stick with the open Passuk. The Passuk says: “Go get divorced!” STICK TO THE PASSUK, AND DON'T GET INVOLVED IN THE CHAZAL.
“If” you were a person that decided you want to stay in the marriage and sweat it out, and you need Chizuk, go for that Chazal; it could be helpful. But for YOU, don’t got involved in a Chazal that doesn’t make you feel good. There are PLENTY of Chazal's the other way. A friend of mine was contemplating divorce, but he didn’t want to do it. He was told by an Adam Gadol (either by R' Gamliel Rabinowitz, or R' Yaakov Meir Shechter, one of the biggest people in Yerushalayim): “Only dogs don’t get divorced”. He really let him have it. GO GET DIVORCED! GO FOR IT, AND BE HAPPY!
גיטין צ ב ,כִי שָנֵא שַלַח (מלאכי ב טז )רבי יהודה אומר, אם שנאתה שלח . רבי יוחנן אומר , שנאוי המשלח. ולא פליגי, הא בזוג ראשון הא בזוג שני , דאמר רבי אלעזר , כל המגרש אשתו ראשונה , אפילו מזבח מוריד עליו דמעות , שנאמר (מלאכי ב יג-יד) וְזֹאת שֵנִית תַעֲשוּ כַסּוֹת דִמְעָה אֶת מִזְבַח ה' בְכִי וַאֲנָקָה מֵאֵין עוֹד פְנוֹת אֶל הַמִנְחָה וְלָקַחַת רָצוֹן מִיֶדְכֶם וַאֲמַרְ תֶם עַל מָה עַל כִי ה' הֵעִיד בֵינְךָ וּבֵין אֵשֶת נְעוּרֶיךָ אֲשֶר אַתָה בָגַדְתָה בָהּ וְהִיא חֲבֶרְ תְךָ וְאֵשֶת בְרִ יתֶךָ .
