PARENTING POST
By Sarah Chana Radcliffe
Frustration tolerance is a necessary skill for those who want to ultimately succeed... Not everything we need to do feels good. Indeed, your child needs to know that it’s okay that some activities don’t feel as pleasant as others. Homework usually isn’t as much fun as playing. Helping set the table isn’t as exciting as a video game. Brushing teeth and cleaning up doesn’t feel as good as doing pretty well anything else. Teach your child that doing “the hard stuff” helps build a life that works well to produce health, wealth and success in relationships, whereas only doing the fun stuff leads to a life that doesn’t work well. We need to be able to tolerate not feeling good every moment in order to lead a life that will feel good most of the time.
When you want to tell your older child what to do, you can avoid sounding bossy or controlling by using this strategy...... Making tentative suggestions can reduce resistance. For instance, instead of saying “You should hang your shirts up this way,” you might try “You might find that hanging your shirts up this way gives them fewer wrinkles.” Or, “I like to hang my shirts up this way because they’re easier to pull out in the morning.” Or, “Have you ever thought about hanging your shirts up this way?” The tentative style is especially effective with teens, adult children and spouses!
