And as for the one who does not know how to ask, you should open the discussion for him, as the Torah says: “It is because of this that Hashem did so for me when I went out of Mitzrayim.” All the commentaries note that the author of the Haggadah expounds on the passuk "והגדת לבנך"—and you shall recount to your son”—as the answer to give the child “who does not know how to ask,” even though this passuk was already expounded in the response to the “rasha”: "ואף אתה הקהה את שניו ואמור לו, בעבור זה עשה ה' לי בצאתי ממצרים, לי ולא לו, אלו היה שם לא היה נגאל". You, too, should blunt his teeth, and say to him: “It is because of this that Hashem did so for me when I went out of Mitzrayim” —for me, but not for him. Had he been there, he would not have been redeemed.
We will first explain why the author of the Haggadah opted to formulate the instructions to the parents regarding this son with a feminine pronoun "את פתח לו" rather than "אתה פתח לו" with a masculine pronoun—as he does regarding the “chacham”— "ואף אתה אמור לו"—and the “rasha”--אתה הקהה את שיניו" "ואף . It seems that this was done deliberately by the author of the Haggadah to encourage and support the mothers on the Seder night. As we know, Chazal attest to their merit and virtue in the Gemara (Sotah 11b): "בזכות נשים צדקניות שהיו באותו הדור נגאלו ישראל ממצרים"—in the merit of the righteous women who were in that generation, Yisrael were redeemed from Mitzrayim.
Let us elaborate. The men in that generation were overwhelmed with extremely difficult labor all day long. As such, they were incapable of educating their small children. Therefore, perforce, the righteous women, their mothers, had to fulfill the fathers’ roles inculcating in their children a firm emunah in Hashem. As a result, they did not change their names or modify the way they dressed. Thus, they grew up to follow the ways they were taught by their righteous mothers.
In reality, this is true of every generation. Although the essential mitzvah of “chinuch” to teach the children Torah is the obligation of the father; nevertheless, the mother is also responsible to a very significant degree for the “chinuch” of the children. This holds true especially for the infants and young children, who mostly stay at home with their mothers. The mothers teach them to recite “modeh ani” every morning, to perform “netilas yadayim,” and to recite the proper Berachos over the food they eat. They instill in them a love of Torah and the attribute of “yiras shamayim.” This prompted Shlomo HaMelech, the wisest of men, to say (Mishlei 1, 8): "שמע בני מוסר אביך ואל תטוש תורת אמך"—hear, my child, the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the teaching of your mother.
This is the lesson taught in the Gemara (Chullin 24b): "אמרו עליו על רבי חנינא שהיה בן שמונים שנה, והיה עומד על רגלו אחת וחולץ מנעלו ונועל מנעלו, אמר רבי חנינא חמין ושמן שסכתני אמי בילדותי, הן עמדו לי בעת זקנתי". They said of Rabbi Chanina that even when he was eighty years old that he would stand on one foot and take off his shoe and put on his shoe. Rabbi Chanina said: The hot water and oil that my mother applied to me in my childhood stood me in good stead in my old age—i.e., he attributed his extraordinary, good health to his mother. He is teaching us that the warmth and wisdom provided by his mother’s nurturing in his childhood assisted him throughout his life—even when he was elderly, even in difficult situations, and even when he could no longer stand on two feet.
In this manner, we can explain the wonderful relationship between the “chinuch” of the young child categorized as "שאינו יודע לשאול" and “yetzias Mitzrayim.” We will refer to the interpretation of the holy Admor, the Maharid of Belz, zy”a, of the question Pharaoh asked Moshe Rabeinu (Shemos 10, 8): "מי ומי ההולכים"—exactly who will be going? Recognizing his desperate, dire situation, compelling him to allow Yisrael to go and serve Hashem for three days, per Moshe’s request, Pharaoh figured that only the men would go, but the young children would remain in Mitzrayim. After all, as the saying goes: If there are no kid-goats, there will be no adult goats. So, without the children, there would be no continuity to the chain of kedushah of the people of Yisrael, chas v’shalom.
Moshe Rabeinu, however, intuited Pharaoh’s malicious intent and responded emphatically (ibid. 9): "בנערינו ובזקנינו נלך"—with our young and with our old, we will go. He indicated that for the people of Yisrael, the young precede the old in the matter of “chinuch.” This elicited Pharaoh’s outrage (ibid. 10): "יהי כן ה' עמכם כאשר אשלח אתכם ואת טפכם ראו כי רעה נגד פניכם, לא כן לכו נא הגברים ועבדו את ה' כי אותה אתם מבקשים ויגרש אותם מאת פני פרעה". “So be it. May Hashem be with you when I will send you and your children! Beware, for evil faces you. This is not right. Only the (adult) men should go and worship Hahem; for this is what you request.” And he had them expelled from Pharaoh’s presence. Pharaoh was enraged by Moshe Rabeinu’s desire to educate even the younger members of the holy flock.
Thus, we can appreciate the vital importance of the righteous women who teach their young progeny the ways of the Torah and “yiras shamayim.” This is what prompted the author of the Haggadah to formulate this directive with a feminine pronoun: "ושאינו יודע לשאול את פתח לו". By initiating the young children’s “chinuch” in every generation, they ensure that Moshe Rabeinu’s pronouncement will be fulfilled: “With our young and with our old, we will go.” In this merit, the following will become a reality: “As in the days you left the land of Mitzrayim, I will show it wonders.”
