Humor

10 ways to know that you’ve had enough to drink on Purim

1. You hold a volume of the Babylonian Talmud upside down, thinking “Hey, they finally decoded the human genome!”
2. You argue with hamentashen...and lose.
3. You forget to open your eyes and instead grope around for the light switch. You finally find the light switch, flick it off and say “There.”
4. You think that calves’ foot jelly is a dessert.
5. You ask people how many candles they lit last night.
6. You begin speaking Yiddish with a Sephardic accent.
7. You dream that you are asleep.
8. You have a nightmare that you are awake.
9. You combust spontaneously.
10. You think these jokes are funny.

10 reasons we love Purim

1. Making noise in shul is a mitzvah.
2. Levity is not reserved for the Levites.
3. If you’re having a bad hair day, you can always wear a mask
4. Purim is easier to spell than Khanuka, Chanukah, Chanuka, Hanuka
5. You don’t have to change all the pots and dishes.
6. You don’t have to build a sukkah and eat outside in the rain.
7. It’s a mitzvah to get drunk
8. You won’t get hit in the eye by a lulav.
9. You can’t eat hamentaschen on Yom Kippur.

A Jewish knock, knock joke!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Vashti!
Vashti who?
Vashti dishes and I’ll give you a hamantaschen!

What’s the point of a hamantashen?
Don’t be ridiculous, it has 3 points.