In the yotzros of parashas Parah we say, מי אחד לא מטמא טהור יתן. This can also be translated as, "How does one become pure? How does one stop sinning? The answer is אחד לא, by saying 'No!' once and for all."
To explain, we share the following:
An alcoholic recognized that his drinking was destroying his life, so he made a firm decision never to drink again. Around ten in the morning, he became thirsty for a drink, but he controlled himself and didn’t take it. At noontime, he started walking to the bar. His old habits were controlling him. But midway, he reminded himself of his resolve and stopped himself. He wouldn’t drink, and that was final. He returned home.
He had several other tests that day, but he overcame each challenge. At ten o’clock at night, he thought to himself, "I had a perfect day today. I deserve a drink to celebrate." He went to the bar and became drunk.
Tomorrow, if he decides once again to become clean, he will need to say “no” again. His first resolve wasn’t strong enough. But the teshuvah, which the yotzros is alluding to, is אחד לא, when one can say "no," once and for all.
However, there is also a gradual approach. The Midrash (Tanchuma – Behaloscha 10) says, “The Jewish people said to Hakadosh Baruch Hu, ‘Ribono shel Olam, You know the great power of the yetzer hara... [How can we conquer him?]’ Hashem replied, ‘Send the yetzer hara away, step by step in this world, and I will totally remove the yetzer hara in the future. Today, improve in one thing; tomorrow improve a drop more; until you acquire a second nature.”
This Midrash refers to the gradual approach to teshuvah, which is often the ideal and recommended way.
When one sets out on the mission of becoming a better person, he isn’t always able to make one final and firm decision to change. Often, one needs to change gradually, step by step, day by day. If he doesn’t give up, he will succeed.
The Beis Avraham of Slonim, zy”a, compared this to someone who drinks one cup of wine. It seems like nothing happened. He isn’t drunk. He isn't even dizzy. Later, he drinks a second cup, and then a third... and then he’s intoxicated. Now, he recognizes that the first cup also contributed to the final result. Similarly, when one overcomes the yetzer hara once, nothing seems to have changed. He seems to be the same person as before. But he isn’t the same. Something has changed. If he keeps at it, he will see in the end that he has become a new person.
The Tanya (27) teaches: “Whenever one is victorious over his yetzer hara, even for just a short moment... for example, he desires to eat, but he pushes it off for an hour or even for less than an hour, and during this time, he studies Torah... Or when one remains quiet and doesn’t say what he strongly desires to say... even if it is merely for a brief moment...it sanctifies him... As Chazal say: ‘When a person sanctifies himself a little bit below, Heaven sanctifies him a lot from above.”
So, two things happen when one improves step by step:
- Each time he overcomes the yetzer hara he gradually becomes a better person.
- Each small step in the right direction is significant because this small deed grants him siyata dishmaya. Hashem will sanctify him and help him win over the yetzer hara.
