A Rabbi dies and goes up to the gates of heaven. Before he's let in, the angel in charge has to consult with G-d for a long period of time if he deserves a place in heaven. As the Rabbi is waiting, an Israeli bus driver approaches the gates of heaven. Without a second thought, the angel who was consulting with G-d let the bus driver through. The Rabbi points at the bus driver and yells, "Hey! How come he gets in so quickly? He's a simple bus driver, while I'm a Rabbi!" The angel explains, "Dear Rabbi, you don't understand. When you would be giving your sermon during the prayer services, your whole congregation would fall asleep. When this bus driver drove towards Tel Aviv, all his passengers would be at the edge of their seats praying to G-d!"
A tourist in Israel asks to see that famous place where Jews are wailing. He's given directions to the Israeli Tax Authority.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
