Shame and Humiliation
It states (6:13) אל ויצום אהרן ואל משה אל 'ה וידבר מצרים מלך פרעה ואל ישראל בני, "Hashem spoke to Moshe and Aharon, and He commanded them concerning the Bnei Yisrael and concerning Pharaoh, the king of Egypt..." What was the command?
In his first explanation, Rashi writes that the command concerning Bnei Yisrael was that he should lead them gently and be patient with them. The command concerning Pharaoh is that they must honor Pharaoh when they speak to him.
Why was it necessary to honor Pharaoh, the great rasha, who bathed daily in Jewish blood? The Chasam Sofer zt'l explains that if they would disgrace Pharaoh, they wouldn't be able to smite Pharaoh with the ten plagues. The shame would atone for Pharoah's sins, and then he couldn't be punished with the ten plagues. This shows us the great benefit that comes from humiliation.
Of course, Pharaoh wouldn't accept his humiliation with love and emunah. He would be angry and upset with the humiliation. And he was a terrible rasha, from the worst in history. Nevertheless, the shame would have cleansed him from his severe aveiros to the extent that he wouldn't deserve punishment anymore! Let this help us understand how much atonement and purity we earn when we suffer shame and humiliation.
People make a seudas hoda'ah when Hashem bestows His kindness on them. For example, if an ill person becomes well, he might make a seudas hoda'ah to celebrate his good fortune and Hashem's kindness. Once, Rebbe Mendel of Premishlan zt'l made a seudas hoda'ah when someone insulted him in a very humiliating way. At the meal, he explained: "We have a kabbalah that if a person has merits, an illness can be exchanged for humiliation and shame. It was destined that I should be very sick, and when I recovered from the illness, I would make a seudas hoda'ah. Hashem performed greater chesed for me, and before the illness came, it was exchanged with humiliation. I would make a seudas hoda'ah when I’m cured from an illness. Certainly, I should make a seudas hoda'ah if I am saved from the entire ordeal, and I never even became ill."
Rashi (6:26) asks why Moshe’s name is sometimes written before Aharon's name and why sometimes Aharon's name is written first. Rashi answers, "This teaches us that they were at the same level." The Ksav Sofer zt'l writes that Moshe Rabbeinu was the greatest navi and was certainly on a higher level than Aharon. But at this moment, Aharon reached Moshe's level. It was embarrassing for Aharon to appear before Pharaoh, serving as Moshe's spokesperson. Pharaoh knew Aharon. Until this time, Aharon had been the main leader of Bnei Yisrael, and he appeared before Pharaoh to speak to him about issues needed for the Jewish community. And now he came to Pharaoh as Moshe's aide. Aharon did this willingly, as stated in last week's parashah (4:14) בלבו ושמח וראך, "When he sees you, he will rejoice in his heart," and therefore, at this time, he rose madreigos, and became equal to Moshe Rabbeinu.
Rebbe Boruch'l of Mezhibuzh zt'l once traveled to Zitomer. As he approached the city’s outskirts, the people of Zitomer came out to greet him. A simple man also came along with the throngs of Yidden to greet Rebbe Boruch'l. This simple person came from a non-prestigious family, and there had been lashon hara about him, so people didn’t respect him much, even though he had become wealthy.
Rebbe Boruch'l sat in his wagon, greeting the people of Zitomer. When the simple man gave his hand in greeting, Rebbe Boruch'l invited him to join him in his wagon, and they traveled to Zitomer together. The people of Zitomer were shocked. Why did the Rebbe choose to honor this man whom they degraded? But they didn’t dare say anything.
As they traveled, Rebbe Boruch'l asked the simple person whether he could stay in his home. The simple person was overjoyed with this merit. The people of Zitomer were upset about that too, because from all the prominent people of the city, why should he host the Rebbe? Of course, they didn’t say anything out of respect for Rebbe Boruch'l.
Shabbos was very uplifting and inspirational for the entire city. On Sunday, people thronged to the Rebbe for a brachah. The simple host also came for a brachah. The Rebbe asked him, "Do you have children in shidduchim?" The man replied, "Yes, I have a daughter of marriageable age, and that's why I came to the Rebbe, to ask for a brachah..." The Rebbe said, "I have a son..." and the Rebbe asked whether he agreed to be meshadech. The simple man was overjoyed. The Rebbe shook his hand, "Mazal Tov! Mazal Tov!" A shidduch was finalized.
The news of the unusual shidduch spread like wildfire. The people of Zitomer were in turmoil. Why would Rebbe Boruch'l, a grandson of the Baal Shem Tov zy'a, take a simple mechutan? Their main concern was because of the man's reputation. Twenty years earlier, that man was accused of severe sins and was harassed and humiliated in public so that others wouldn’t follow his example. Was it fitting for him to be the Rebbe's mechutan?
Until this moment, the people of Zitomer didn’t think it was necessary to tell Rebbe Boruch'l about that man's history, but now, they felt they had to speak up for the Rebbe's honor, and for the honor of the Baal Shem Tov. They told the Rebbe their concerns. "He committed grave sins twenty years ago, and who knows what's happening now..."
The Rebbe moaned, "When I first saw him at the outskirts of Zitomer, I felt a strong desire to be his mechutan. That's why I asked him if I could stay at his home. When he came to me on Sunday, I again desired immensely to be mechutanim. It seemed to me that it was destined from heaven. And now that I hear your concerns, I will think about it again..."
There used to be a great Rebbe in Zitomer, the Or HaMeir, and Rebbe Boruch'l went to visit his almanah. She said, "Yesterday, I learned that you are a true tzaddik and a gadol hador." Pointing to a window, she said, "My husband and I stood near that window twenty years ago when they were pulling your mechutan through the streets of Zitomer to embarrass him. They were shouting, ככה בישראל נבלה יעשה אשר לאיש יעשה, 'This shall be the punishment for those who do disgraceful things in Yisrael.' My husband, zt'l said, 'Look how everyone is running after a person, a tzaddik, who's totally clean from sin. I hope I will be so clean from sins when I am brought to the court in heaven after my lifetime. In the merit of his humiliation, he will become a mechutan with one of the tzaddikei hador.' So when I heard that you made a shidduch with him, I knew you are a tzaddik hador..." The almanah's words quickly spread through the Jewish community. Everyone rejoiced. They immediately went to the simple man's home and wrote the tena'im with joy and happiness.
This story exemplifies the immense benefits one earns by remaining silent when humiliated. The Sefer Chassidim (116) states, "If you see a wealthy, successful rasha, and because of his wealth, respected and scholarly people are being meshadech with him, don’t be surprised. Know that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave him the wealth, so tzaddikim should agree to marry their children with his. They wouldn't be meshadech with a rasha if it weren't for his wealth. Why did the rasha merit wealth and that tzaddikim should be meshadech with him? It's in his parents' merits, or because they embarrassed and humiliated him beforehand, and because of the shame he was blessed with wealth and to have sons-in-law talmidei chachamim."
