In this week’s parshah, Hashem sends Moshe Rabbeinu as His shaliach to redeem Klal Yisrael but Moshe protests that due to the exhaustion of the Yidden, they won’t be able to accept his words.
In his commentary, the Sfas Emes explains that there were three ways of looking at the situation. From the objective perspective, one could say that Hashem’s command is absolute and no excuse is accepted for not obeying it unquestioningly. From the completely subjective perspective, the Yidden could excuse themselves with the justification that they are so broken by years of slavery that they find it impossible to obey and should be understood.
Moshe Rabbeinu chose the third way, the way of a true leader, and accepted all the blame for any lack in the Yidden upon himself. “Perhaps Bnei Yisrael will not listen to me,” he tells Hashem, “as I have a speech defect.” If only I could present things better, he is implying, I would be able to speak to the hearts of the exhausted Yidden and convince them that they are capable of obeying Hashem’s command. If they don’t heed my message, then blame me, the messenger.
So often, a spouse in a challenging marriage sees him or herself as doing so much more than their spouse. Many people see themselves as having to put up with so much more than “should be.” It’s easy, in such situations, to excuse oneself from fulfilling the underlying obligations of marriage and justify lack of respect or consideration.
Moshe Rabbeinu teaches us that as much as there may be mitigating factors, the right approach is to say: “Perhaps I’m part of the problem, and by addressing what I’m doing wrong, I can improve things.”
When we encounter difficulties in life that cannot be blamed on anyone, it’s relatively easy to admit that we have fallen short in our avodas Hashem, deserve the consequences, and should immediately do what we can to improve matters. Within relationships, where it appears that there is someone to blame, admitting one’s own part in the issue is much harder. Nonetheless, with the right guidance it can be done and even the most difficult situations can be improved.
