UFARATZTA
Rabbi YY Jacobson
Womens Shiur Tuesday 9:30am (18 Main)
Chassidus Shiur Monday & Thursday 7:45am (18 Main)
Shabbos: Friday Night – before Barchu (20 Upstairs)
Morning 8:40 (20 Upstairs) | After Davening 12:00pm (20 Upstairs)
Please Note: Rabbi Jacobson's Shabbos morning shiur will now begin at 8:40 am, followed by the Minyan at 10:00 am.
"To match couples together is as difficult as the splitting of the sea," states the Talmud. What is the meaning behind these words? True, the process of finding and maintaining a life partner may be challenging and difficult, nothing short of a miracle. But why, of all miracles described in the Bible, does the Talmud choose specifically the miracle of the splitting of the sea to capture the process of marriage?
A MAP OF THE SUBCONSCIOUS
What is the difference between the land and the sea? Both are vibrant and action-filled environments populated by a myriad of creatures and a great variety of minerals and vegetation. Yet the universe of dry land is exposed and out in the open for all to see and appreciate, while the world of the sea is hidden beneath a blanket of water. In Jewish mysticism (Kabbalah and Chassidic spirituality), these two physical planes reflect the conscious and unconscious dimensions of the human psyche. Both parts of the self are extremely vibrant and dynamic. The difference between them is that while our conscious self is displayed and exhibited for ourselves and others to feel and experience, our subconscious self remains hidden, not only from other people but even from ourselves. Most of us know very little of what is going on in the sub-cellars of our psyche. If you were given a glimpse into your own "sea" and discovered the universe of personality hidden beneath your conscious brain, what do you think you would find? Shame, fear, guilt, pain, insecurity, an urge to destroy, to survive, to dominate, a cry for love? Would you discover Freud's libido, Jung's collective unconscious, Adler's search for power and control, Frankl's quest for meaning?
Where Freud diagnosed the Libido as a craving for a parent, and Jung saw it as longing etched in our collective unconscious,the Kabbalah understood it as a quest for union with G-Di. n Kabbalah, at the core of the human condition is a yearning for oneness. Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi(1745-1812), founder of the Chabad school of Kabbalah and one of the greatest soul-experts in the history of Judaism, has written more on the subject than any other Jewish sage. In 1796, a hundred years before Freud, he published a book, the Tanya, in which he presented his "map of the subconscious," based on the Talmudic and Kabbalistic tradition. Rabbi Schnuer Zalman offers a fascinating parable for the inner life of the soul: quoting the biblical verse, "The soul of man is a divine flame" (Proverbs 20:27), he explains that just as the flame is always swaying, dancing, licking the air, seeking to tear free of the wick and rise heavenward, so too the soul in man is always aspiring to leave its shell and experience oneness with the divine.
THE SECRET OF INTIMACY
This quest for a relationship with the divine is manifested in our search for relationships with our twin flame here below. Where Freud diagnosed the libido as a craving for union with a parent, and Jung saw it as a longing for the opposite gender etched in our collective unconscious, the Kabbalah understood it as a quest for union with G-d. Our desire for intimacy is one of the profoundest expressions of our existential craving for Truth, for Oneness, for G-d. As the Book of Genesis states, "G-d created Man in His image, in the image of G-d He created him; male and female He created them." Clearly, it was in the union and oneness of the genders that the first Adam, the first human being, reflected the image of G-d. This view of relationships and intimacy is expressed in the very Hebrew names for man and woman given by Adam in Genesis. The Hebrew words for man and woman — Ish and Ishah — both contain the Hebrew word for fire, Eish. They also each contain one more letter—a yud and a hei respectively—which when combined makes up G-d's name. The significance of this is profound. Man without woman, and woman without man, lack the fullness of G-d's name. When they unite, the two-half images of the divine within them also unite. The fire and passion drawing them to each other is their yearning to recreate the full name of G-d between them. At a Jewish wedding ceremony, this blessing is recited: Blessed are You, G-d, King of the Universe, Who created the human being in His image... Why is this blessing said at a wedding ceremony? Wouldn't it be more appropriate to say such a blessing when a child is born? The answer is that it is through the uniting of man and woman that the image of G-d is most closely reflected.
Our desire for intimacy is one of the profoundest expressions of our existential craving for truth.
THE ramifications of this idea are important. It means that marriage is not a suspension of one's natural individual self for the sake of uniting with a stranger. Rather, through marriage man and woman return to their true natural state, a single being reflecting G-d, each in his and her own unique way. Marriage allows wife and husband to discover their full and complete self, a self-made up of masculine and feminine energy.
KNOW THYSELF
We may travel through life unaware of this dimension of self, seeking oneness with the divine. Throughout our years on this planet we may behave as though this element of self does not exist. Though its symptoms reverberate through our consciousness — most often in the feelings of emptiness and lack of contentment when our spiritual self is un-satiated — we are prone to dismiss it or deny it. After all, at least in the short term, it is far easier to accept that we are nothing more than intelligent beasts craving self-gratification than spiritual souls craving for G-d. When we view the surface self, selfishness is easier than selflessness; isolation more natural than relationship; solitariness more innate than love and commitment. Only when we "split our sea," when we discover the depth of our souls, the subtle vibrations of our subconscious, do we discover that oneness satisfies our deepest core; that love is the most natural expression of our most profound selves.
"To match couples together is as difficult as the splitting of the sea," the Talmud states. The challenge in creating and maintaining a meaningful and powerful relationship is the need to split our own seas each day, to learn how in the depth of our spirits we yearn to love and share our lives with another human being and with our creator.
Blessing and Greeting:
I received your letter... in which you write about the proposition of a shidduch, which, generally, seems to be acceptable, but you seem to be afraid etc. Your feelings can be explained on the basis of two factors:
a. As you yourself write, until now you have had no responsibilities or, as you put it, you were treated like a baby without being given the opportunity to think for yourself. It is, therefore, clear that now that you have to make an important decision and enter into a life of responsibility and independence, this makes you feel uneasy, although I would not say “very frightened," as you put it.
b. A feeling of anxiety in such a case is not unusual, even where the person has not been treated like a baby. For marriage is an important and serious step which affects the rest of one's life, and, as it is stated in the blessing, it is a “Binyan Adei-ad -- an everlasting edifice.” It is, therefore, natural that young people should approach this with a feeling of some anxiety and awe.
On the other hand, if the shidduch is a suitable one, one can go into it with a feeling of absolute confidence, for it is within the very natural order of things and is also a commandment of the Creator. Hence it is assured of Hashem’s blessing. The basic requirement, however, is that the shidduch be a suitable one, namely, that both parties should be of a similar background and world outlook, and, above all, should be determined in their resolution to mutually build a truly Jewish home on the everlasting foundations of the Torah and Mitzvos.
As a matter of fact, in your case there is an encouraging factor, as you write, you have a position, and are happy in your job. Therefore, in spite of what you think, you already know what responsibilities are to some extent, and this should give you the confidence that you will be able to carry out even greater responsibilities when the time comes.
May G-d, whose benevolent Providence extends to each and every one individually, lead you in the way that is best for you, materially and spiritually.
With blessing,
==== Chabad.org Is It Natural To Approach a Shidduch With a Feeling of Anxiety?
