The fact that the Fifteenth of Av occurs six days after the Tisha B’Av (the Ninth of Av), the day of the destruction of the Temple, holds an important key to a renewed union of the two worlds. The Temple was destroyed due to baseless hatred within the people of Israel. The week stretching from the Ninth to the Fifteenth of Av is the time to correct baseless hatred through baseless love—senseless acts of kindness and mutual respect among the factions of the nation, aiming to discover the true and beautiful in those different from us (indeed, among the two months in which the matchmaking days occur, it is specifically the name Av, בָא, that is the root of the word “love,” הָבֲהַא).
The Hebrew expression for baseless hatred, sin’at chinam (םָּנִת חַאְנִׂש), hints at the phrase nessi’at chen (ןֵת חַיאִׂשְנ), bearing favor, the symbol of the love of the Fifteenth of Av. The bearing of favor on the Fifteenth of Av rectifies the baseless hatred of the 9th of Av.
The “Festival of Love” founded on the Fifteenth of Av, although it represents only one side of the divide between the two worlds we have surveyed, can become the day that unites them both. Repairing and elevating the earthly dimension of love is the mission of our generation, matching the Chasidic vision for the renewal of Judaism and the Jewish people as a full, natural, and healthy entity on its land.
The idea that the secular “Festival of Love” can be sanctified is found in its Hebrew name, chag ha’ahavah (הָבֲהַאָג הַח). The word ha’ahavah, הָבֲהַאָה, is composed of the letters בָא (Av) interwoven with three times the letter ה (hei). Since the numerical value of hei is 5, three times hei equals 15, making ha’ahavah, הָבֲהַאָה, equal exactly Av Fifteenth (בָטו א)! The choice of the term chag ha’ahavah is thus not entirely coincidental. It manifests the workings of deliberate Divine Providence, thus inviting us to elevate this festival and integrate it to the sacred.
This contemplation also hints as to how the Festival of Love should be sanctified. The three letters hei hint at the initials of the triad of terms coined by the Baal Shem Tov, “submission, separation, and sweetening” (הָלָּדְבַה הָעָנְכַה הָקָּתְמַה). The initials, final letters, and number of letters of these three words are all hei, 5. The principle of submission-separation-sweetening reminds us that the rectification of the Fifteenth of Av must follow its path: first, we must adopt from Yom Kippur the element of subduing desires towards marriage (submission); then we must commit to cultivating marital life, maintaining its boundaries, and avoiding external temptations (separation); and finally, we can enjoy the pleasures of the Fifteenth of Av in a full and balanced way (sweetening).
In this way, the holiness of Yom Kippur provides a kind of protection to the naturalness of the Fifteenth of Av, saving it from the degradation of earthly love into lust; on the other hand, the naturalness of Fifteenth of Av provides a conduit for the spiritual love of Yom Kippur.
May we merit to see all the Tribes of Israel unite in love on the Fifteenth of Av at the gates of Jerusalem!
Notes:
1. The consonant Tu is just a way to pronounce the two letters טו, whose numerical value is 15
2. Proverbs 31:30.
3. Mishnah Ta’anit 4:8
4. Ta’anit 30b.
5. Sotah 2a.
6. For a more complete survey of the different statements made by the sages on matchmaking, see Lubavitcher Rebbe’s Igrot Kodesh, vol. 2, epistle 264 (pp. 193ff.).
7. It goes without saying that these two models do not reflect the entire spectrum of attitudes towards matchmaking that exist in Jewish communities. Within the two communities mentioned themselves, and even more so among the diverse intermediate communities between them, it is possible to find more balanced approaches that cannot be categorized into one of the absolute categories we have presented. However, it is definitely possible to see these two models as the two poles between which the spectrum of approaches stretches, defining the boundaries of their division.
8. Bava Batra 91b.
