The parashah begins with the words, ההיא בעת 'ה אל ואתחנן, And I davened to Hashem at that time."
The Baal HaTurim explains that Moshe was saying, עלי ירחם אולי ישראל את חזקתי, "I gave chizuk to Bnei Yisrael. Perhaps [in this merit] Hashem will have compassion on me [and answer my tefillos]." This refers to the pasukim that precede Parashas Va'eschanan. Moshe said (Devarim 3:21-22), אשר כל את הראת עיניך הממלכות לכל 'ה יעשה כן האלה המלכים לשני אלקיכם 'ה עשה הנלחם הוא אלקיכם 'ה כי תיראום לא ,שמה עבר אתה אשר לכם , "Your eyes have seen everything Hashem did to these two kings [Sichon and Og]; so will Hashem do to all the kings where you cross over [to Eretz Canaan]. Don't be afraid. Hashem shall wage war for you." Moshe encouraged and gave hope to the Jewish nation, and in that merit, Moshe davened ואתחנן, that Hashem should have mercy on him and answer his tefillos.
Moshe Rabbeinu's merits are countless. He brought the Torah down to the Jewish nation, saved the nation many times with his tefillos, and led the nation out of Mitzrayim and through the desert for forty years. Who can compare to Moshe? Who can count his tefillos? Yet, he didn't ask Hashem to answer his prayers because of his merits. He requested that Hashem answer his tefillos in the merit of giving hope and chizuk to the Jewish nation.
Hope is inherent to mankind. No matter what people go through, they hope for a better future. Even during the darkest moments, there is always, at the very least, a flicker of hope in their hearts. This is undoubtedly Hashem's kindness because a person could have been created always expecting the worst.
Nevertheless, despite our tendency to think positively, we worry a lot. People are frightened, "What will happen if the future isn't better? What will happen if I don't find a shidduch/parnassah/health, etc.?" Therefore, it is a great mitzvah to encourage others and give them hope that the future will be good.
Shema as Arei Miklat
Siforno (Bamidbar 35:25) writes, "There are several degrees of killing by accident. Sometimes, it was a complete accident, and there wasn't much that could have been done to prevent it. Other accidents involve an element of negligence. Therefore, the Torah didn’t set an amount of time of exile for all murderers. Those who were only slightly guilty of the murder [will come to arei miklat] shortly before the kohen gadol dies, while others die in arei miklat before the kohen gadol dies. And this is just. Hashem knows the degree of punishment each individual deserves."
So, each person needs to spend a different amount of time in the arei miklat to attain his atonement, and through hashgachah pratis, each person gets exactly what he deserves. (See Meshech Chachmah, who elaborates on this idea.)
There were six primary arei miklat plus an additional forty-two cities that also served as cities of refuge. The Ohev Yisrael writes, "This mitzvah also applies to our generation because the Torah is nitzchis (eternal) and therefore, on some level, must also apply to our times. It works as follows: If someone committed aveiros and has, in a sense, murdered his own soul, this is what he should do for his rectification: When he recites the first six words of Shema (אחד...ישראל שמע) he should accept upon himself the yoke of Heaven with love, mesirus nefesh, truth, and dedication. Those are his six cities of refuge (arei miklat). He should add another forty-two cities, which is the parashah of ואהבת, which contains forty-two words..."
Shema is the arei miklat of our generation, where one runs to for atonement. This lesson is also alluded to in the following Gemara (Brachos 5): “One should always battle with the yetzer hara. If he succeeds, all is well. If not, he should learn Torah... If he succeeds, it is good. If he fails [and the yetzer hara is still overcoming him], he should read Shema. If this also doesn’t work, he should remind himself of the day of death." For kriyas Shema is a place of refuge, where we can be protected from the yetzer hara.
Hope in Arei Miklat
One of the halachos of arei miklat is that there needs to be three arei miklat in הירדן עבר and three in Eretz Yisrael. The three in עבר הירדן only begin to function as arei miklat when the corresponding three in Eretz Yisrael are established (see Rashi, this week's parashah 4:41).
What is the reason for this halachah? Why can't the arei miklat in ever HaYarden function immediately? Why did they have to wait another fourteen years until the arei miklat were designated and arranged in Eretz Yisrael?
The Meshech Chachmah (Masei) explains that this is because we must always give people a glimmer of hope. If the three arei miklat in הירדן עבר functioned immediately, the people who lived there wouldn't have hope.
The explanation is as follows: When someone kills by accident, he must go to arei miklat. These cities are like prisons; the killer goes there for atonement (and protection). But he always has the hope to go free. He doesn't despair because he knows that when the kohen gadol dies, he will leave the arei miklat (see Bamidbar 35:25), and the kohen gadol can die any day.
The problem was that Elazar was the kohen gadol, and Hashem indicated that Elazar would live another fourteen years until the land of Eretz Yisrael was conquered and divided. (Hashem said that Elazar, the kohen gadol, will help divide the land [see Bamidbar 34:17]. This indicates that he will live at least until then.) So, if the three cities in Ever HaYardan were immediately active arei miklat, the murderers living there wouldn't have any hope for freedom for another fourteen years, and we can't allow people to live without hope of immediate freedom. Therefore, only after the land is conquered and divided, and three arei miklat are established in Eretz Yisrael, will the three in הירדן עבר begin to function.
The Power of Chizuk and Kind Words
The Chofetz Chaim once said before a large crowd, "In our generation, anyone who has a mouth must use it to give chizuk to others." In the Chofetz Chaim's generation, many people began being lenient with Shabbos observance, family purity, etc. The Chofetz Chaim encouraged everyone to give drashos and to rouse people to teshuvah. Once, when the Chofetz Chaim finished teaching this point in his drashah, he stepped off the podium and heard people saying, "The Chofetz Chaim is a tzaddik. He can rouse people to teshuvah with his drashos, but what can we do?" The Chofetz Chaim overheard them and immediately returned to the podium to add this essential mashal:
There was a poritz who drank solely purified, filtered water. Once, someone brought him regular water to drink. After taking a sip, he immediately spit out the water. "Why did you bring me dirty water? When you bring me water, it must be purified first." Sometime later, there was a fire in the poritz's home. The poritz shouted for help, but it took a long time before people came with water to put out the fire. "What took you so long?" the poritz complained. "By the time you came with buckets of water, half my home burned down!" "You told us to purify the water first," the servants explained. "We purified the water and came as quickly as possible." The poritz said, "When there is a fire, any water will do."
The Chofetz Chaim said, "The same is with delivering speeches in our generation. There were generations when one needed to be a tzaddik before speaking in public. But now, a fire is raging. Whoever can speak must do so."
To a large extent, today, chizuk of a different nature is needed. In our generation, people need to hear a good word. It isn't rebuke that people need to hear. They need to hear that Hashem loves them, that they can succeed in avodas Hashem, that they are doing good, etc. One doesn't need to be a great tzaddik to do this. Every person must use the talents Hashem gave him to help their fellow man.
The Importance of Encouragement
There is a prohibition for a descendant of Amon and Moav to marry into Bnei Yisroel (see Devarim 23:4-7). The reason is קדמו לא אשר דבר על ...ממצרים בצאתכם בדרך ובמים בלחם אתכם , It is because they did not greet you with bread and water on the road when you were leaving Mitzrayim..." The Chinuch explains that they have terrible character traits and no sense of basic decency and kindness. Such people shouldn't marry into the Jewish nation.
The Beis Yosef (א"מהריק דרשות, printed in Or Tzaddikim) teaches, "We can say that דבר על means 'for the words.' They are punished because they didn't share kind, encouraging words." He explains that the Yidden didn't need bread or water because the manna fell every morning, and they drank the water of Miriam's well. The main problem of Amon and Moav is דבר על; they didn't share kind, encouraging words with the Jewish nation.
Amon and Moav were goyim. Who needed their praise and admiration? Who needed their encouragement? Nevertheless, apparently, we needed it. Their kind words would have helped us. Amon and Moav were punished severely because they refrained from providing this benefit to Bnei Yisrael.
It states (Yeshayah 1:27), בצדקה ושביה, the galus will be redeemed, and the Beis HaMikdash will be rebuilt in the merit of tzedakah. However, some people cannot give much tzedakah. How can they contribute towards building the Beis HaMikdash? The Chofetz Chaim (Shemiras HaLashon vol.2 ch.7) answer that they should say kind, encouraging words to the poor and those who suffer. The Me'il Tzedakah calls it "A tzedakah that doesn't cost money." These kind words are also a form of tzedakah that builds the Beis HaMikdash.
The Power of a Kind Word
A wealthy person visiting Eretz Yisrael handed his relative a thick wad of one-hundred-dollar bills, instructing him to distribute the money to the tzedakah of his choice. The relative wasn't sure where to give the money, so he discussed it with one of the gedolei hador zt'l. The gadol advised, "Hire yungerleit to give chizuk and smile at bachurim."
This isn't a joke. So many people wait for someone to show them respect, smile, and listen to them. Fortunate are those who occupy themselves with this great deed. It isn't hard to find opportunities to perform this mitzvah. In every beis medresh, school, and neighborhood, people are hungry to hear a kind word. They are waiting for someone to smile at them and spend a minute with them. Fortunate are those who fill this great need.
The Chazon Ish zt'l said, "Every bachur needs a spoonful of kavod daily." Educators say that one reason children fall away from Yiddishkeit is that they lack a kind word. You can literally save neshamos by being kind to people. There is no limit to how much we can accomplish, and it requires little effort.
There was a boy who drifted away from Yiddishkeit, and his father paid good money to therapists and mentors to help direct his son back to the right path. Baruch Hashem, he returned. The father later asked the son, "Which dollar brought you back?" He meant, "I paid many people to help you. Which investment paid off and got you back?" The bachur replied, "It wasn't your dollars that brought me back. A certain rav greeted me warmly and told me that Hashem loves me despite all my aveiros. He is the one who brought me back to Yiddishkeit!"
A rav once accidentally dialed the wrong number. He immediately realized his error but decided to let the call go because the number he dialed was of a member of his beis medresh who hadn't come to shul for some time. He decided that it was min hashamayim that he should speak to him and hear how he was doing. When the man answered the phone, the rav said, "I just wanted to hear how you are." The man replied that he was in Italy at the time. He said he was contemplating committing a serious aveirah, but this phone call stopped him. The rav showed him that he was interested in and cared about him, preventing him from transgressing a severe aveirah.
Some years ago, the thirteen-year-old son of a very special yungerman began drifting off the derech. The father thought, "Why is this happening to me? We sent him to the best schools, ensuring he was around good friends. How is this happening to him?" He reviewed his past and present deeds and remembered that as a bachur, he once spoke against the Vilna Gaon zt'l. Disgracing talmidei chachamim is a terrible aveirah. (At the time, he thought he would be a bigger chassid by speaking against this great tzaddik r”l.) He feared he was being punished for that aveirah. He contacted Reb Mordechai Gross shlita, who goes to the Vilna Gaon's kever every Elul and asked him to be his shaliach to ask forgiveness. Reb Mordechai replied, "I was already in Vilna this Elul and won't be going there again this year. But I know someone who is in Vilna right now. I will send him to the Gaon's kever to ask forgiveness on your behalf.
This shaliach went to the kever at 6:30 in the afternoon, precisely when the bachur began his return to Yiddishkeit. At that time, the bachur was sitting on a bus, dressed in jeans, with long gelled hair. He appeared very distant from the yeshiva bachur he once was. A friend of this bachur was also on the bus and was shocked by his appearance. He said, "I can understand that it is hard for you to study Torah all day, but why do you need long hair, and why do you need to dress this way? You won't gain anything from it. You are acting foolishly." Generally, it is risky to rebuke this way, but this time, the sharp words entered the bachur's heart. When he came home, he told his father he wanted to wear a talis katan again and asked for a haircut.
This story teaches us the power of words. Years ago, someone spoke against one of the greatest gedolim, and he was punished severely. Words of rebuke caused the bachur to do teshuvah. An even safer approach would be using words of encouragement and caring. Such words accomplish so much!
