By Rabbi Moishe New
WHAT IS TU B’AV?
In the days of the Temple, Tu B’Av - the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av - was marked by a unique custom: young women would dress in simple white garments and go out to dance in the vineyards. There, young men would come to choose a bride. The garments were all borrowed, so no one would be embarrassed by poverty. Status and appearance were minimized. The focus was soul.
The Talmud says: “There were no greater holidays for the Jewish people than Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur.” Yom Kippur we understand, declares the Talmud for it’s a day of forgiveness. But what is special about Tu B’Av?
YOM KIPPUR: WHEN THE SOUL COMES HOME
Yom Kippur is the day when God forgave the Jewish people after the sin of the Golden Calf. Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the second set of Tablets, symbolizing reconciliation. That day became eternally marked as the Day of Atonement—a time when God says: “I forgive you. Let’s begin again.”
But it’s more than just forgiveness. On Yom Kippur, we strip away externalities. We don’t eat or drink, wear leather shoes, or indulge in physical pleasure. Why? Because the essence of the day is about connecting to our soul’s deepest self, to our Divine core—beyond ego, beyond the mask.
That’s what makes it so joyful. The joy of truth. Of coming home.
MARRIAGE AS A REUNION
Marriage, in Torah thought, is not two strangers coming together—it’s two halves of one soul being reunited. The separation is what allows for the longing, and the reunion is what brings the joy.
But marriage isn’t just a reunion—it’s also a daily work of love and effort, because it brings together opposites: different personalities, habits, and viewpoints. Real love emerges not when everything is easy, but when we grow through the differences.
Yom Kippur represents that, too. It’s not the easy beginning of a relationship. It’s the deep reconciliation after rupture. After the Golden Calf, God could have severed the relationship—but instead, He gave us another chance. That’s the kind of love that’s enduring. That’s the love that lasts.
TU B’AV: A DAY OF HEALING AND UNITY
So how does Tu B’Av fit in? Throughout Jewish history, Tu B’Av marked moments of healing and reunion:
- The ban on inter-tribal marriage during the time of the Judges was lifted.
- The generation that died in the desert (as punishment for the spies) stopped dying on this date.
- Civil war between the tribes ended.
- Those killed in Beitar during the Bar Kochba revolt were finally buried—years later—on Tu B’Av.
What’s the common theme? Restoration after distance. Love after loss. Unity after separation.
Like Yom Kippur, Tu B’Av is about reunion. Not just between people—but between souls and their purpose, between individuals and God. That’s why these two days are paired: they both celebrate not perfection, but the return to wholeness after brokenness.
THE DANCE OF THE SOUL: THREE TYPES OF MAIDENS
The Talmud tells us that on Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur, three groups of maidens would go out and dance in the vineyards. Each group would say something different to the young men:
- The Beautiful Ones said: “Look for beauty.”
- Those with Noble Lineage said: “Look for family and heritage.”
- The Less Attractive Ones said: “Seek for the sake of Heaven—and adorn us with gold.”
What does this mean spiritually? These three groups represent three spiritual levels:
- The Tzaddik – The Beautiful Soul
Their inner and outer lives are aligned. They’ve refined themselves. Their soul shines brightly. They can say with confidence, “Look at me. I reflect Divine beauty.” - The Beinoni – The Righteous Struggler
They battle their ego daily. But they always choose the right action. Their deeds are their “children”—they may still struggle inwardly, but their choices are noble. They say: “Look at my mitzvot. My behaviour. That’s who I am.” - The Rasha – The Broken Seeker
They’ve made mistakes. Maybe many. But they cry out sincerely: “Choose me for the sake of Heaven. I want to be better. Help me change.” Their honesty and humility touch something deep in the Divine.
And here’s the surprise: God treasures that last one the most. The one who is real. Who doesn’t hide. Who says, “I don’t have it all together, but I’m trying.” The soul that cries, “Adorn me with gold”—give me strength, inspiration, clarity—that’s a cry God answers with love.
THE DEEPER JOY: REUNION AFTER DISTANCE
Tu B’Av and Yom Kippur share a message that’s incredibly relevant today: We’re not holy because we’re perfect. We’re holy because we come back. Real joy isn’t found in never failing—it’s found in coming home after getting lost. In rebuilding after mistakes. In the decision to love again, trust again, try again.
Like an arrow pulled back before it flies forward, sometimes the distance creates the energy for an even stronger reunion. So dance. Even if you’re not perfect. Dance like the maidens in the vineyards. Dance with your struggles, your story, your soul. Because the greatest love stories are not the ones that begin blissfully. They’re the ones that began again.
SHABBAT NACHAMU
Shabbat Nachamu (lit. “Sabbath of Consolation”) is the Shabbat following the fast of Tisha B’Av, so named because of the passage read for the haftarah: Nachamu, nachamu ami — “Comfort, comfort my people.” After the Three Weeks of darkness and destruction, G-d consoles the Jewish People through the words of His prophet Isaiah. This haftarah is the first of the series of readings known as shiva d’nechemta, “the seven of consolation,” read over the seven weeks between Tisha B’Av and Rosh Hashanah.
