We know that the ten mitzvos that comprise the aseres hadibros are divided into two sections. One side of the luchos contains five mitzvos that are bein adam l’makom, between us and Hashem. The other side contains five mitzvos that are bein adam l’chaveiro, between us and our fellow Yidden. However, if we read the parsha carefully, we will notice an even more specific pattern to these mitzvos.
All mitzvos can be divided into three categories. Some are performed with machshava, in our thoughts. Others require dibur, speech, while yet others are done with may’se, with actions.
If we analyze the aseres hadibros based on these criteria, we see two opposite patterns emerging. We start with Anochi and Lo yi’yeh, to recognize Hashem and none other, which are performed with machshava. This is followed by Lo sisa, a prohibition against pronouncing Hashem’s Name in vain, which involves dibbur, and finally Shabbos and kibud av v’eim, mitzvos that require positive action.
However, in the second set of mitzvos, the order is reversed. First, we have the issur of murder, illicit marriages, and theft, which are all forbidden actions. Then, a prohibited form of speech, false testimony. Finally, the last mitzva forbids us to desire anything belonging to someone else, primarily a commandment to control our thoughts.
Why is there a different order of the mitzvos in the two luchos? I heard an incredible insight from Rav Moshe Meir Weiss to explain this change.
The smart way to approach our avodas Hashem is by taking things slowly, step by step. First, we work on our thoughts, then we try to verbalize them properly, and eventually we are ready to translate these ideas into action.
However, when it comes to bein adam l’chaveiro, we can easily fall into the trap of justifying our negative thoughts, reasoning that it is enough to abstain from wrong behavior. Therefore, the Torah tells us not only to refrain from acting out against another Yid, but to also watch our speech, and eventually even control our thoughts about him.
We find a specific commandment in the Torah regarding the prohibition of lo sisna es achicha b’lvavcha, not to hate another Yid in your heart. The wording implies that one does not transgress this issur if he openly expresses his hatred, and this is indeed the opinion of many Rishonim. [Of course, there are many other issurim that might be involved, such as lashon hara, lo sikom, and a lack of v’ahavta l’rei’acha ka’mocha.] Why does the Torah deal more severely with unexpressed hatred?
A clue to the answer might lie in the next pasuk, where the Torah commands us, ho’chei’ach to’chi’ach, to rebuke your friend when necessary. What is the connection between these two mitzvos?
When one harbors hatred in their heart, it can cause far greater consequences. We find that Dovid Hamelech’s son, Amnon, committed a terrible sin with his half-sister, Tamar. Her brother, Avshalom, hated Amnon for this, and eventually killed him. The Ralbag explains that Avshalom did not confront Amnon directly about his actions. If he would have this, he would have calmed down somewhat, and would not have murdered him. Instead, he allowed the hatred to fester in his heart, and this led to his act of revenge.
Therefore, the Torah specifically forbids sinah that is not expressed outwardly. Since it is kept inside, without an outlet, it only develops stronger and stronger, and brings to even worse outcomes. The Torah follows this with the alternate solution. Ho’chei’ach to’chi’ach, rebuke your friend. Confront him, have an open and honest conversation about his supposed misdeed. He might shed new light on what happened, or he might be moved to apologize and repair the relationship. In this way, they will resolve their conflict, and restore the peace.
How far does this prohibition extend? What if someone does not become an enemy, but merely resents, or dislikes, another Yid? The Ohr Hachaim explains that the pasuk uses the expression achicha, do not hate your brother. Anything that diminishes the level of love that usually exists between two brothers is included in this issur.
The Chofetz Chaim points out that we have unfortunately lost some of our sensitivity towards this issur. If we were to find another Yid eating treif, we would be repulsed by this aveira. Imagine – a Yid is willingly defiling his mouth and allowing something impure to enter! Ideally, we should have the very same reaction if we observed someone displaying hatred towards another Yid. He is allowing impure thoughts and feelings into his heart, and he is no less defiled than the person who eats something non-kosher.
So, why don’t we react this way? Perhaps we do not attribute enough significance to our thoughts. We need to take to heart the message of the order of the aseres hadibros. Not only our actions, and not only our words, but even our thoughts should be kept pure, and we should banish all thoughts of sinah from our hearts, leaving room only for Ahavas Yisroel.
