Question: On Shabbat morning, my wife likes to sleep and expects me to bring our kids to shul—ages two, four, six, and eight. There is a courtyard at shul where the kids can play with other children. However, I want to leave the house and daven in peace. Instead, I have to get the kids dressed, feed them, prepare drinks and nosh, and push the stroller on the 10-minute walk to shul. During davening, they constantly ask me for things—it’s distracting. I don’t think it’s fair. I have an obligation to daven properly, and my wife should help with this. I offered to watch the kids in the afternoon so she could nap, but she insists on her morning sleep. What should I do?
Answer: From a practical standpoint, perhaps you and other parents can organize someone to supervise the children during davening. This person could lead a short children’s tefillah, organize simple activities, and be available to tend to the kids’ needs. Not only would you be able to daven in peace, but the children would enjoy a more meaningful and fun experience as well.
Regarding your relationship with your wife—marriage and parenting are dynamic and ever-evolving. They require patience and a long-term perspective. It helps to move away from black-and-white thinking—who’s right or wrong; who is reasonable or unreasonable—and instead focus on understanding the other’s needs and challenges.
Just as your family is growing, so is your marriage. You're building a foundation rooted in trust, empathy, and giving. When a husband expects his wife to sacrifice her physical well-being for his spiritual needs (as noble as they may be), it can lead to resentment. But when he gives from a place of warmth and understanding, he often receives far more in return. A strong, caring foundation creates a lasting and loving relationship.
You have a young, growing family, and your wife is tired from a full week of caring for the children. She needs your support to rest on Shabbat. But remember: this stage will pass. The children will mature and become more independent—and even helpful.
In conclusion: Explore a practical childcare solution during davening; Give to your wife with empathy and warmth; Be patient—things will change.
Aharon Schmidt, marriage & individual counseling: www.aharonschmidt.com. *To receive periodic ideas on navigating marriage and personal growth, reach out to [email protected]
