Questions To Rabbi Mandel
Question: Hi, I really enjoy your weekly emails. It's a breath of fresh air! I have a question. My husband gave up his job and started working on his own business. It was always his dream, and he's very motivated. I'm more of the cautious type that prefers a wage and a savings account... But I did realize that it's something that my husband really wants to do, and I didn't want to hold him back from achieving his dreams and full potential. My Chizuk when I made the decision was that Hashem is the one who gave my husband his paycheck and not his boss. Currently, we are around 5 months in, and he's not seeing the Hatzlacha that we were hoping for. He's working really hard, but the deals are not coming in the way he was hoping to. I'm not talking about rich. I'm saying a livable income... I keep on reading in your emails about having patience and believing that the Nisayon will pass, and it gives me lots of Chizuk. My question is, what else can I do? I'm really working on my Simcha, not becoming despaired, and in general always looking for more inspiration, but it's so frustrating. It's like I know Hashem is here and listening, but I don't see it, and it's so hard! My question is, is there any Hishtadlus I can do so that the Bracha should come into my husband's business? Also, how should I be M’chazek him when he gets discouraged and frustrated?
Answer: Now look. Do you have what to eat? Are they shutting off the electricity? Are your kids going to school? Can they buy new shoes? Can you buy gas? If all of the above are okay, then your whole problem, or a lot of it, is the nerves. Because many, many people with financial problems, the real problem is the frustration of not succeeding in the work they do. Because somehow, they're okay; in the nitty-gritty of their lives everything is fine. But in the feeling of success & accomplishment, there they're not good. It may be K'dai to give up a thing like that. It's not a Parnasa issue. You just want to do something that makes you feel good. If it didn't work, it didn't work. Don't sit on it forever. If it didn't work, so try something else. Don't get excited over it. And that’s for sure, the more Menucha and the more calmness... Look, you're enjoying the kids, you've got Shalom Bayis, you are two wonderful, wonderful people, your husband learns a little bit; so, talk about that all day, why get involved in his frustrations? If you can work on it, if you can get to learn Mussar every day, and say: I LOVE GETTING FRUSTRATED, I LOVE FAILING! To me, that's a success, because I'm showing Hashem that I don't mind. Whatever He gives me, I'm happy enough to be alive.
The biggest people in the world had tremendous frustration and difficulties; the biggest Gedolei Yisrael, one after another. Go through their histories, they had so much pain. How do you live with that stuff? DON'T LET THE PAIN DOMINATE YOUR LIFE. LET THE MUSSAR SEDER DOMINATE YOUR LIFE. YOU CAME TO THIS WORLD FOR THAT REASON. Don't let it get to you. Don't let it hurt you. Live in a different world; of tranquility. There are people who have the worst situation, and they’re happy! There are people who have everything we can dream of, and they’re not happy! No one can change your way of thinking. You have to work at it! Try to find the right solution that will keep you relaxed. You don't have to sit all day worrying about your husband's Parnasa. That's your whole life?? You're not going to starve to death. You have kids to enjoy (and to kiss and to mush and to eat). You've got pickles, you're a great cook, you have Shalom Bayis, what's wrong with THAT? You've got Mitzvos, you do such lovely things, you do Chesed. Your Yetzer Hara wants you to make this your whole life; to DOMINATE you! It becomes a Melech over your whole essence. "My husband's Parnasa". That's no good. It's a test. Don't fall for it! Don't fall for that business! Try to see things with a good eye (Baruch Hashem, he's not in the hospital). Work on it! The more you work on it, the more you'll be a happy person NO MATTER WHAT.
A lot of people, they had it hard. BIG SHPEIL! They're sitting in Olam HaBah today! A lot of them took it beautifully. It's up to you. No one can get inside your brain and tell you what to think or what not to think. You can dream all-day about happy stuff. Take an hour a day, or at least 10 minutes, and "chill out" from the whole situation. Forget about it. Don't think about it, and put your mind in some way off place, miles away, where it's beautiful weather, and relaaaaaax. Just forget the whole Olam HaZeh. Olam HaZeh buries people if they're so involved in it. Just forget it, and say: “I'm happy I'm alive; big Shpeil”. Hatzlacha Rabbah.
You can submit your questions to Rabbi Mandel by emailing them to [email protected]
