Dear Rabbi Gruen,
In a recent shiur, you addressed the topic of married children and whether they have any responsibility to help resolve conflict in their parents’ marriage. This spoke very strongly to my siblings and me, as I will explain.
I am the oldest in my family, happily married baruch Hashem; some of my younger siblings are still at home. Throughout my childhood (and adult life) my parents’ marriage has been very far from the ideal. We grew up seeing and hearing things no child should ever even have nightmares about, things like name-calling, bad language, anger, manipulation, constant putting-down of the other, and the occasional outburst falling just short of severe physical aggression.
Most of us went through life retreating to our rooms, ignoring the situation and pretending nothing ever happened. Now, as adults, we reach out to each other and to support systems for the help we need but we’re still not fully at ease or comfortable getting the needs addressed. Our spouses witness some of this and are fully supportive and sympathetic. Our parents have a great reputation and no one from the outside would dream of the level of conflict in their home on a daily basis.
I apologize for the lengthy background information, but I think it’s relevant to my question, which is: How do we heal? How do we support each other? And most importantly, how can I help my single siblings (including one who is quite a bit younger) who still face this on a daily basis?
Thanks in advance for your understanding, especially as I benefit even from the therapeutic venting as I’m writing this...
