Ash on Chosson’s Head
17. Chazal further instituted that when a chosson marries a woman, he takes ash created from a burned material [“אפר מקלה”] and places it on the spot on his head where the tefillin goes (שו''ע סי' תק''ס ס''ב). A bit of ash should be placed on the head itself, not wrapped in a tissue or the like (הליכות אבן ישראל עמ' שפ''ז).
18. “Glory in place of ash.” Some have the minhag to say various pesukim when placing the ash on the head. Some say the posuk, “לשום לאבלי ציון, לתת להם פאר תחת אפר” (ישעיהו ס''א, ג'). Tefillin is called פאר, and we are hoping that the future will yield true glory and joy, with the rebuilding of Yerushalayim (ע''פ ב''ב דף ס' ע''ב).
19. “אם אשכחך וכו'.” Some say the posuk, “אם אשכחך ירושלים תשכח ימיני. תדבק לשוני לחכי אם לא אזכרכי, אם לא אזעלה את ירושלים על ראש שמחתי” (תהילים קל''ז, ה-ו). In doing so, one elevates the memory of Yerushalayim literally over his head (ע''פ הגמ' הנ''ל).
20. זכר לחורבן. Some suffice with an abbreviated text, and say “זכר לחורבן בית המקדש”.
21. When? Some have a minhag that the rav or fathers place the ash on the chosson’s head before they go to the chuppah. Others apply it under the actual chuppah (מנהג תימן).
Breaking a Cup Under the Chuppah
22. Our minhag is to break a glass cup during the chuppah to remember the Churban (כל בו סי' ס''ב, רמ''א או''ח סי' תק''ס ס''ב, אבהע''ז סי' ס''ה ס''ג).
23. When? Some break it after Birkas Eirusin (מטה משה הכנסת כלה ח''ג ספ''א, שו''ת מהר''ם מינץ סי' ק''ט, סידור דרך החיים סדר ברכת אירוסין בהו' קיצשו''ע, מנהג ירושלים). Others break it at the end of the chuppah, after Birkas Nisuin (רמ''א אבהע''ז סי' סג, שו''ת לבושי מרדכי מהדו''ק אהע''ז סי' מט אות ב).
24. Before breaking the cup, some say the posuk “אם אשכחך ירושלים וכו'” (שלחן העזר ח''ב דף נ' ע''ב). In some places, a shamash says the posuk aloud, and the chosson repeats it after him word by word (ט''ז או''ח סי' תק''ס ס''ק ד). As of late, some people of innovative spirit sing the posuk, arousing the crowd to long for Yerushalayim with joy… This practice is no worse than the current practice of rousing people’s hearts with extended, stirring tunes at the beginning of the chuppah, long after the kallah finishes her seven circles, something also considered a new minhag not practiced in the past… The important thing is for it to be done l’shem Shomayim.
25. Saying mazel tov. The minhag of Klal Yisroel is to call out “Mazel tov!” in a loud voice after the breaking of the glass. Some point out that breaking the glass is meant to arouse sadness over the Churban, so it is inappropriate to wish “Mazel tov” over this (מעשה רוקח על הרמב''ם פ''ה תענית הי''ג).
26. However, others justify the minhag. They say the reason is to conclude on a positive note rather than concluding with the breaking of the glass (שו''ת הלל אומר אבהע''ז סי' נ''ט, שלחן העזר שם). Alternatively, it is because the element of remembering the Churban was already fulfilled, so they can now go ahead and fulfill the mitzva of bringing joy to the chosson and kallah (הגרשז''א, קו' מבקשי תורה).
