The Unexpected Delivery
Moshe, the owner of a small Kosher New York deli, was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
'Why don't people leave me alone?' the deli owner said. 'I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed for Jewish Holidays and Shabbat. And you want to know how I made $80,000?'
'It's not your income that bothers us,' the agent said. 'It's these travel deductions. You listed ten trips to Israel for you and your wife.'
'Oh, that?' the owner said smiling. 'Well ... We also deliver.'
The Taxi
An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down. Surprised as he was, he didn't say anything, feeling himself a guest and not wanting to make waves.
The trip continued without event until the next intersection. This time the light was green, and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt.
Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver. "Listen," he says, "when you went through the red light, I didn't say anything. But why on earth are you stopping at a green tight?"
The Israeli driver looks at the American as if he is deranged. "Are you crazy?" he shouts. "The other guy has a red light. Do you want to get us killed?"
Jerusalem Jaywalking
The jaywalking problem in New York City reminded me of a time when my husband and I were on a visit to Jerusalem. As we waited patiently at a busy intersection for the "walk" signal, a young man sped across the street against the light. An elderly gentleman waiting with us turned and said sadly, "Two thousand years he's waiting for the Messiah, and he can't wait for a light."
Airliner Laugh
The captain of a Syrian airliner announces, "This is Syrian Airliner 174. We have an emergency. We have lost an engine and want to land at any airport in the Middle East other than Israel."
No answer.
A short while later, things get worse, "This is Syrian Airliner 174 again. We have lost two engines and ask permission to land at any airport in the Mideast other than Israel."
Again, no answer from anyone.
A little later the pilot in desperation says, "This is Syrian Airliner 174. We are in need of help. We have lost three engines and need permission to land at any airport in the Mideast other than Israel."
Still no answer from anyone.
Finally, the Captain calls "help." This is Syrian Airliner 174, we have only one engine left, and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land, we are going to crash. We need permission to land at any airport in the Mideast, including Israel."
Shortly thereafter, a voice is heard in the Syrian airline cockpit: "This is Tel Aviv airport calling Syrian Airliner 174. We would like to help."
"God bless you," said the Syrian pilot. "What should we do?"
Responded Tel Aviv airport, "Repeat after me: Yisgadal ve-yisgadash ..." (first Hebrew words of Jewish Mourner's Prayer).
