Question: My mature five-year-old asked me a series of questions about happiness that I could not answer:
- How can I be happy if my friend is hurt and I can't help him?
- How can I be happy if I did something bad?
- What if you are in the army, and you accidentally killed your friend, can you be happy?
- What if I gave all of my food to a poor person and I have nothing left, can I be happy?
I would like answers to these questions for myself too... Any thoughts?
Response: We can feel two conflicting emotions at the same time. Sadness can fill one side of our heart, while joy fills the other.
In all of these examples, you need to feel both joy and pain. It's not always easy, but when we work on being happy even when there's reason not to, our happiness has the power to heal some of the sadness.
Let's look at each question individually:
How can I be happy if my friend is hurt and I can't help him?
You can help him. Be sad about his pain, but also be positive and happy. That may help ease his pain. You can give him hope and cheer him up. You can't change what happened, but you can change the mood. Joy is contagious.
How can I be happy if I did something bad?
You should regret doing bad, but you shouldn't get depressed about it. Our yetzer hara, the devil inside us that gets us to do bad things, also wants us to feel depressed about it, because when we're depressed we end up doing more bad things. Rather say sorry, regret your mistake, be happy and move on. Happy people do more good.
What if you are in the army and you accidentally killed your friend, can you be happy?
This is a very painful situation. It will take a lot of hard work for the soldier to find happiness again. But if we could ask his friend who died, what would he say? He would say, please don't stop living a happy life because of me. Find joy and do good things for my sake. It will be good for my soul if I see you happy. Living with joy in this world helps the souls in the next world.
What if I gave all of my food to a friend who is hungry and I have nothing left, can I be happy?
This is the greatest happiness - to give to another. Our stomach gets satisfied from eating a good meal, but our heart gets satisfied from giving it away. You need to eat too. But you should feel the joy of seeing someone else happy. Joy grows best in a heart that gives.
Your five-year-old may not understand these answers now, but one day he will. Introduce him to the idea that his heart has two sides, so next time he is feeling sad, he can choose to be happy, too.
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