Do not kindle fire in all your dwelling places on the Sabbath day. (Shemos 35:3)
Besides ordinary, physical fire, there is another kind of “fire” that we should not kindle on Shabbos, and that is the fire of anger, as Chazal say in the Zohar.
In truth, anger is something to avoid at all times. Chazal emphasize the evils of anger. They say that someone who gets angry is considered as if he is worshipping idols, and all types of Gehinnom take hold of him.
Anger causes greater damage than all other negative things because an angry person loses his better judgment and his self-control, and is thus liable to do every bad thing.
However, there are times when a person needs to get a little angry. For instance, to offer reproval or to stand up for the truth. Also at home there are times when a person needs to get a little heated up in order to direct the members of the household on the right path.
In these situations, it is always forbidden for anger to get the better of him. He should rather do as our Rabbis teach: the anger should be on his face and not in his heart. This may be compared to someone who kindles a fire in order to warm his home. If it is in the proper amount, it is beneficial, and will not burn down the house.
Regarding this, our verse informs us that even “good” anger should not be kindled on Shabbos. Because Shabbos and Yom Tov are days of rest and joy. There is no place for anger on them.
Now, a Jew who engages in Torah study has the aspect of Shabbos kodesh. This is because Shabbos is the main source of kedushah in the world, and also Torah study is the source of life; it is the world’s soul. A person who dedicates his life to Torah study thus needs to minimize anger as much as possible and not get heated up even when it seems to be permitted.
However, things don’t always go the way we would like, and we can learn from this, too. There are situations where a person does not succeed in exercising proper self-control, and anger comes over him suddenly and against his will. In such a case, anger should serve as a “red light” for him.
Chazal say:
If a person gets angry, we know that his sins are greater than his merits, as it says עַשָּׁב פַּה רָמֵל חַעַבּו – “The angry person has many transgressions.”
In other words, anger serves a warning sign to a person that he is in a state of “His sins are greater than his merits.”
This is a very, very dangerous state to be in. The Rambam writes:
Every person has merits and sins. Someone whose merits are greater than his sins is righteous, and someone whose sins are greater than his merits is wicked.... A person whose sins are greater than his merits immediately dies in his wickedness....
We don’t possess enough self-awareness to correctly judge our spiritual state. Even if a person sees himself as busily engaged in mitzvos, the Rambam writes:
Heaven weighs [a person’s deeds] only according to the evaluation of the G-d of knowledge, and He is the One who knows how to balance merits against sins.
However, if a person finds himself getting angry, the Torah tells us that this is a sure sign that he is in the dangerous state of “His sins are greater than his merits,” and his life is in danger!
When this happens, a person needs to quickly do teshuvah. And not just for the sin of anger itself but also for his other sins, since he just found out that his sins are greater than his merits. A person can thereby get himself out of danger and merit a good and long life.
Pearls of Wisdom from the Parshah
While we are on the subject of anger, let’s talk about an area where anger can really flare up, and that is between husband and wife.
Love between husband and wife, shalom bayis, is not a matter of a few minutes. It means good, congenial and healthy communication in all areas of life. They do things in full cooperation with each other, and occasionally discuss problems in the home, or even some divrei Torah.
Let’s see how David HaMelech handled a situation in which he perceived anger. In his case, it was Divine anger. There was a scary situation: a hundred Jews were dying every day from a terrible plague. Why such a harsh punishment? Why was Hashem so angry with them?
The answer is clear: the more closeness and intimacy there is, the more anger there is. And none is as close as husband and wife. What should one do in such a situation? Make up, and reestablish the shalom bayis. Marriage counselors always say that the fact that a couple is angry with each other does not mean the situation is lost. They can discuss things and work them out. And the first step is to start talking again. When there is no communication, things seem unbearable and nothing can progress. But when the couple starts speaking to each other again, the anger subsides.
David HaMelech reasoned that if there is so much anger, it is a sign that we simply are not speaking to Hashem. It is a sign that there is no shalom bayis. This is because shalom bayis on its simplest level means that the couple speaks kindly to each other about all matters of life. When one gives the other a gift, the other should say a nice thank-you.
So David HaMelech came to the conclusion that there was no communication between Hashem and His people. Therefore, he instituted the practice that a Jew should recite one hundred berachos every day. In other words, the Jewish People should speak “nicely” with Hashem.
If you received an apple, say “thank you.” Recite the berachah of borei pri ha’etz. If you woke up in the morning, and thus received once again the faculty of sight, say “thank you.” Recite the berachah of pokei’ach ivrim.
