Dear Alumni Sheyichyu!
Sholom U’Brocho!
Mazel Tov to Avrohom Perl on the occasion of his engagement. A special Mazel Tov to his brother, our own dear and dedicated Nachman Perl! Mazel Tov to Zalmy Ceitlin on the occasion of his engagement. May they use out the special period of Yokor Mikol yokor to its’ utmost! Mazel Tov to Rabbi (Dr.) and Mrs. Chaim Goldberg and to the entire family on the marriage of their daughter Shayna. (If anyone is aware of any mazeltov’s that I omitted please let me know).
Thank you as always for the feedback, it is much appreciated.
“What a beautiful chasuna”. “That was such a nice wedding”. “The chasuna last night was absolutely lovely”. These are some comments that we may hear or say after taking part in a wedding. But what is being referred to? There are so many aspects to a chasuna, what exactly is it that would make it “nice”? Is it the opulence of the ballroom? The uniform of the waiters? The tastiness of the food?
Surely none of these superficial details are what define such an important and life-impacting event as a chasuna! A chasuna, the joining together of two soul-mates, is laying the foundation for more G-dliness in the world! The union being celebrated is such a monumental event, it warrants the empowerment of “koach Ein Sof”,-the Infinite Force of Hashem Himself.
Undoubtedly a chasuna is a purely spiritual event, and is defined solely by its’ spiritual components. The simcha, the camaraderie, the inspiration and the Kiddush Hashem. Of course, these may be enhanced somewhat by the material elements. Thus the joy may be increased by the music and the meal, the divrei Torah shared may be more resonant by a good sound system and the furniture is a base for an inspiring chassidishe farbrengen.
But for this reason there needs to be a necessary limit. Because after a certain point, the material side of the wedding will not only not enhance the spiritual side of it, it will actual hamper it. Too much showy materialism will not serve to strengthen the focus on G-dliness but, rather, overshadow it.
As the Rebbe writes in a letter (5 Adar 5719): “Even if money is not in short supply, it can be used for much better purposes (than for wedding expenses). Our Chazal have already taught us the true definition of a משתה גדול,-a great banquet;-saying that it was worthy of this title because 'הי שם גדולה עולמים',-the Eibishter was present there! If a wedding is made properly, and those present are inspired to serve Hashem better, and especially to build a Jewish home that is a chassidishe home in every respect, then it is certain that the “Gadol haOlamim”, the Eibishter, is present, and bestows His blessing on the gathering”.
In a similar vein (2 Cheshvon 5718) the Rebbe wrote: “Why should making a “big” chasuna involve expenses, when Chazal have already taught us that the definition of a משתה גדול is one in which it is recognizable in all aspects of the wedding, and–especially–in the good resolutions of the chosson and the kallah, that the “Gadol haOlamim is happy with it all and is dwelling amongst them. This does not involve any significant costs!”
And elsewhere, the Rebbe writes (11 Av 5720): “I don’t agree with the practice of spending money for the rental of a hall and the like. These are expenses that have no benefit, not even in gashmyus. The simcha of a chasuna is greatly encouraged by Chazal, and they obligate everyone to take part in it, still we see clearly that the joy is even greater when it does not take place in a “hall” or ballroom, but is carried with the maximum simplicity”.
For this reason the Rebbe would tell people to refrain from going to great expense to make a chasuna. Not only is it unnecessary, but the more emphasis that is placed on the material aspects, the more that will detract from the spiritual side. And it is easy to see that certain aspects definitely don’t play any part in enhancing the ruchnyus of the simcha.
Once, during a yechidus with R’ Nissan Nemenov, the Rebbe complained about various “American” customs that deviate from the chassidishe mindset of the past. One of the examples the Rebbe gave was the manner of making weddings. “Once”, the Rebbe said to him, “everyone knew that the main point of a chasuna, and every simcha for that matter, was in order for it to evolve into a chassidishe farbrengen (in order for it to be an opportunity for all of the participants to grow in their Yiddishkeit and chassidishkeit). Look how weddings are made here in America! They put place cards, telling this one to seat at table 1 and the other at table 24. How can it turn into a chassidishe farbrengen when the seating arrangement is by cards?!”
Indeed, while it’s easy to understand how a piece of challah with some chicken and kugel can constitute a seudas mitzvah, and some chassidishe music can increase the expressions of simcha, there are other aspects that are difficult to connect with any part of the spiritual event. Just as the sushi bar, the DJ, the chocolate fountain and cotton candy machine don’t seem to relate much with the G-dliness theme, so, too, any excesses in the ostentation-ness deviate from the main idea, and are not contributing factors of the true simcha.
In fact, Chassidim, who were responsible (in the most part) for reintroducing simcha to the Jewish world, managed to make chasunas for many years with a minimal amount of gashmyus and unbridled joy. (Not only did they do without impressive bands, bow-tied waiters, elaborate smorgasbords and shiny chandeliers, but they even managed to economize on basics, like space. They maximized the space–and did away with the need for an extra dance floor–by dancing for hours on end–often through the night–on the tops of the tables!)
Why am I bring this up now (other than the fact that, I guess, it’s on my mind these days)? Because I believe the above can shed some light on something very puzzling in this week’s parsha:
In Parshas Vayakhel the Torah tells us something remarkable (and–to the best of my knowledge–unprecedented): The men working on the mishkan came to Moshe and complained,-people are bringing in too many donations. Moshe had an announcement made throughout the camp, instructing the people to immediately cease and desist from bringing in any donations. The people obeyed and discontinued their contributions.
Now, I know some of you, like myself, are involved somewhat in fundraising, so you know well that there is no such thing as too much money or too many donations. It is just unheard of. If there is enough money for one thing, it is needed somewhere else. In meseches Tomid we learn about the vast amounts that were solicited for the Beis Hamikdash, and never was it too much (they always had what to use the extra money for).
I know that I never sent out requests to people to please stop sending in donations, and I believe this is true even about institutions that raise much much more than me. In fact, I myself receive literally hundreds of appeals a year;-by phone, by letter, by email and in person, and not one was URGENT EMERGENCY APPEAL: PLEASE STOP SENDING US MONEY IMMEDIATELY! WE HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY!
Imagine getting the full color brochure from Kupas ha’ir (you know the one, dial 1-800-kupas-hair, and press 1 for a shidduch, 2 for health, 3 for parnosoh, and 4 for yiras shomayim after entering your credit card info), and it has stunning photos of all of the great Gedolim who will daven by the kosel for anyone who doesn’t give any more money.
Or imagine a chareidy campaign for an appeal to stop donating (Ha! I can imagine how easy it would be to find matching donors if they had to match the amount that people didn’t give). I’m not any type of historian, but I would guess that there wasn’t another instance of an appeal to stop giving money.
So, what gives? Why was it of such vital importance at that particular fundraising campaign in this week’s parsha to ensure that people stop giving the contributions that exceeded the goals (and I also don’t understand–for that matter–how there can be a situation of יבלוש שפתותיכם מלומר דידידי)?
The answer, I think, can be understood in light of the above: Because the building of the mishkan constituted the chasuna of the Yidden with the Eibishter. It was about that event that the Possuk states “Bosi legani achosi kala”. And we are all familiar with the midrash that interprets "לגן לא כתיב אלא לגני – לגנוני"-it was coming to a chupa, to a wedding canopy.
And, being a chasuna, it was of vital importance to ensure that there wouldn’t be too much gashmyus, because by a chasuna too much gashmyus detracts from the point! The mishkan was the ultimate event of bringing down “koach Ein Sof”, the Infinite Force of G-dliness, into the world;-of making a dira lo Yisborach batachtonim. And in bringing G-dliness into the world, too much gashmyus detracts from the proper balance and distracts from the point.
Just like by a chasuna, while the food and dancing can easily be defined in the proper context, as mere tools of the simcha shel mitzvah, there are other elements that become misleading and confusing [For glamorous worldly pleasures one goes to restaurants and attractions, a chasuna has to be identifiably a G-dly experience]. So too was with the mishkan: As long as the gold was merely a vehicle for the holy Aron, the copper for the Adonim,-the kabolas ol, and the mirrors merely material for the kiyor, then all of the physical material was able to be viewed in their proper context, as vehicles and tools for the ultimate goal of drawing G-dliness into the world.
But any excess would only lead to confusion, and detract and distract from the goal.
Today we are on the threshold of the ultimate chasuna,-the yom chasunoso–the ultimate and everlasting union between us and the One Above. While it is meant to be a fabulous affair, and it has to–ultimately–incorporate all of the gashmyus in the world, we have to be sure that the gashmyus is all there in the proper context.
It is important–and crucial–for every single Jew to possess vast amounts of material possessions. But it is important for us to keep the gashmyus in the right context. The smartphone is a tool to remind us of a shiur. The internet is a vehicle to spread Yiddishkeit. The ipad is a means to access more sifrei kodesh.
This Shabbos we bentch the month of Nissan, a month related to Nisei Nissim, to a miraculous lifestyle, in which we rise above our natural limitations, instead of ch”v being confined by them.
By channeling all of our material possessions into tools towards serving the Eibishter better, we ensure that they don’t create distraction or detraction, but, rather, they themselves become the fundamental building blocks of the dira lo Yisborach batachtonim!
L’chaim! May the Eibishter grant each and every one of us with the greatest abundance of gashmyus, with the greatest harchovo, ad bli day, and may each and every one of us do our part to use that gashmyus as the building blocks of our mishkan, until, collectively, we transform the entire Universe into a mishkan and beis hamikdash with the immediate revelation of Moshiach Tzidkeinu TUMYM!!!
Rabbi Akiva Wagner
