Question: In last week’s question, you told a woman not to worry that she oversleeps, etc., because she is trying her best. How do you know she is trying her best? It is not responsible to go to sleep at 3 am. Maybe she should try going to bed on time. Is there no room for taking care of herself? If she can't fall asleep, perhaps she is an “Ones”, But how can you exempt her from trying?
Answer: I view it like I'm the rock-bottom address. That’s when you call “Mandel”; when you're throwing your hands up to a useless situation. That is the way I understood this person, and that’s the way it seemed to me. However, it’s obvious and Pashut that you try the normal channels first. Then, if nothing works, that’s when you tell a person what I said.
Now, this “Nusach” that I used, that makes me sound like I'm talking to a person who is already doing their best, “You're trying all you can”, I saw by two of my Rabbeim, both in Slabodka and in Novardok. Once from R' Chaim Tzvi Fogel Zatzal (who was Slabodka) and again from R' Gershon Zatzal (who was Novardok). I remember R' Gershon saying to me: אַוַאדֶע לֶערְ נְט אִיר מוּסֶר! “Oh, surely you are involved in learning Mussar!” (he didn't ask: דוּ לֶערְ נְסְט? “Are you learning Mussar?”). That’s how they spoke to people. They didn’t say to a person: Maybe you're not doing the right thing??
Now, certainly some people need to “hear it between the eyes!”. “Are you doing? Or are you not?” There is a M'halech to say that. But after reading that letter, I made the assumption that this is not a person who didn’t try anything. She is not a spring chicken! She’s older, she’s been around. But there’s no question in the world, you do what you can, like therapy, etc., or whatever’s out there. That’s Pashut! If there are things that can be done, what is the question?! I'm amazed that you were thinking differently. Obviously! You do what you can in order do to make things better!
If people get the impression from what I wrote that: “Do whatever you want, it’s a Hefker-Velt”; that’s not true. I don’t believe in that. I believe that you say that only when you have no choice. That’s what got me into Bitachon; because I was not capable of doing the normal thing, and in a lot of areas I was stuck with Bitachon. That is a Bracha Min HaShamayim. You're stuck! You have no choice! You become a Baal Bitachon. But that’s Pashut that you do whatever you can. In fact, you are M'chuyav to! And if you don’t, it’s not the right thing!
