Chazal (Bava Metzia 58:, 59.) say, "Whoever turns his fellow man's face to white [from embarrassment] it is like murder... and he doesn’t have a portion in the world to come." The Gemara also says that if someone shames his fellow man, he won't leave Gehinom, r'l.
In the days of the Imrei Chaim of Vizhnitz zt'l, one of the fundraisers of the yeshiva hadn’t raised enough money and the magidei shiurim – didn't receive their full paycheck. Slowly, the deficit was growing. Some members behind the yeshiva came to the Imrei Chaim of Vizhnitz and told him what was going on. The Imrei Chaim said to one of those men, "Go tell this fundraiser that things can't go on like this, and he should quit his job."
The next day, the rebbe asked this person whether he had given over the message. The man replied that he hadn't. He explained, "I can't do a shlichus of shefichas damim (shedding blood)." The Rebbe stood up, hugged him, and said, "I want chasidim like you. People who aren't able to do a shlichus of shefichas damim."
Rebbe Yidele of Dzikov zt'l told this story. He added, "Some would think that not obeying what the Rebbe, the Imrei Chaim, said, is chutzpah, but that wasn't how the Imrei Chaim saw it. He was glad the shaliach couldn’t do a shlichus, which would result in harm and distress for another Yid."
It once happened that the gabbai came with a prepared Chanukah menorah for Reb Aharon of Belz to light. Usually, the Belzer Rebbe would light the menorah, but this time he told the gabbai to bring the menorah into his room. A few minutes later, he came out with the menorah and he lit it. No one knew why he first brought the menorah to his room.
Afterwards, the gabbai himself explained what occurred. His role was to prepare the lecht with olive oil. This time, by accident, he prepared the menorah with honey liqueur. The Rebbe immediately realized the error, and in order not to embarrass the gabbai, he asked that they bring the menorah into his room. When the error was corrected, he brought out the menorah to light it.
My grandfather, Reb Moshe Mordechai of Lelov zt'l was once davening at the Kosel HaMaaravi. A man there wanted to give a sefer to the Rebbe, hoping that the Rebbe would give him some money for it. But before he could get to the Rebbe, the gabbaim prevented him from coming near. They didn’t want him disturbing during the Rebbe’s tefillos and avodas hakodesh. When the Rebbe finished davening and was about to leave the Kosel Plaza, he saw this Yid from a distance, trying to sell the sefarim in his arms. The Rebbe trembled in fear because he understood that this person wanted to approach him, but the gabbaim didn't allow him to do so. The Rebbe placed his hand over his forehead and said from the depths of his heart, "How can one cause distress for a Yid?" Regarding the gabbaim, he said, "They totally confuse me."
He told his gabbaim to call over this Yid quickly, so he could appease him and give him a donation. After that, he washed his hands and returned to the Kosel to daven some more.
This year, on Shabbos parashas Toldos, a chazzan davened in a beis medresh, using a tune that was not standard for that community. After the tefillah, someone rebuked him. The chazan was embarrassed; his face turned deep red, and got was ready to answer back. Someone quickly approached the chazzan and pleaded for him not to answer back. He explained that his brother was twenty-eight years old and needed a shidduch badly. "Daven for him, that in the merit that you didn't respond, he should find his zivug."
The chazan did so. On Wednesday, parashas Vayishlach, that twenty-eight-year-old bachur became a chasan.
This is because when one is silent and doesn't answer back (called מעליבין ואינם הנעלבין), he is precious in Hashem's eyes. As the Gemara (Taanis 25:) teaches: There was a time when there was no rain. Reb Eliezer approached the amud and said 24 brachos to request rain, but his tefillos weren't answered. Then Reb Akiva stood up to daven. He went to the amud and said a few lines (עלינו רחם למענך מלכנו אבינו אתה אלא מלך לנו אין מלכנו אבינו), and it began to rain. The students in the beis medresh began murmuring that Reb Akiva must be greater than Reb Eliezer because his tefillos were answered so quickly. A bas kol came forth and said, "It isn't because Reb Akiva is greater. It is because Reb Akiva has an exceptional quality that Reb Eliezer doesn’t. Reb Akiva was מדותיו על מעביר; he went beyond the letter of the law to forgive others and to be at peace with others. Therefore, his tefillos were answered, while the tefillos of Reb Eliezer weren't answered.
