There is a custom throughout the Jewish world to bless our children on Friday nights. (Some people do this every Friday, and some people do it specifically on Erev Yom Kippur.) We bless our sons with the famous blessing (from this week’s parsha) “May Elokim make you like Ephraim and Menashe.” (Bereshis 48:20) and we bless our daughters with the blessing “May Elokim make you like Sora, Rivka, Rochel, and Leah.”
Over the years, we have said numerous peshatim on the meaning of the bracha “May Elokim make you like Ephraim and Menashe.” Tonight, I would like to say over the following story which I heard recently:
There was a medical conference in Yerushalayim that brought together experts from all over the world on the topic of epilepsy. A doctor from Minnesota, who was a world-renowned expert in this field, came to the conference. He met there a Yerushalmi looking Jew who was participating in these meetings.
This was not the type of person who looked like a doctor (although today it is not always easy to tell). The doctor asked him, “Nu, is your medical expertise in the field of epilepsy?”
The Yerushalmi said, “No. I am not a doctor at all, but I have a child who has epilepsy. Many times, I have travelled all over the world to conferences on this condition to hear what is new in the field. I want to know if there are any new medications or new treatments. Now there is an epilepsy conference in Yerushalayim, so certainly I came.”
The Yerushalmi then invited the doctor, the epilepsy expert, to his home for Shabbos dinner the Friday night after the conference concluded. The doctor accepted the invitation.
As the guest entered the house, the host told him (in private), “I have five daughters. One of them has epilepsy. I bet you won’t be able to tell which of the five has epilepsy. Her epilepsy is for the most part under control, and my daughter is perfectly normal. She is not self-conscious about her condition. I bet you won’t be able to tell which daughter has epilepsy.”
The doctor responded, “Listen, I am a world class expert in epilepsy. I will be able to tell which daughter it is.” The host asked, “Would you like to bet on that?” The doctor said he did! (I don’t know what exactly they bet, but that is not important to the story.)
Throughout the entire meal, everything was fine. There were no outward manifestations of her illness at all. After the meal, the host (privately) asked the doctor, “So tell me: Which is the one that has epilepsy?”
The doctor said (not in front of the daughters) “It is that one!” The host was astonished. He said “You are right! How did you possibly figure that out? She behaves exactly the same as all of her sisters! How did you know?”
The doctor explained: “Do you know how I knew? It was because when you benched your daughters before the meal, I saw that your heart rate increased when you benched her.”
When we sit at our Shabbos tables Friday night and we bench our children, in our minds we think “What do I want from this child? What do I want this child to be? What do I want this child to become?” As much as this father knew his daughter’s illness was under control, still, her condition affected his heart strings. It affected his heart rate. That is how the doctor knew.
The moment when we bless our children Friday night is really special. We have a unique ability to connect with each child, and then give each a bracha asking that they become like Ephraim and Menashe or like Sora, Rivka, Rochel and Leah. This is a most emotional moment. Perhaps the outer manifestations of these emotions are not visible to the average person. Perhaps this is not even something we are ourselves aware of — but these subconscious expressions of bracha come from the deepest place in our heart.
