As Yaakov Avinu nears the end of his life, he makes a request of his son, Yosef: "Place your hand under my thigh and deal with me with kindness and truth; please do not bury me in Egypt." (Bereishis 47:29)
The Midrash Tanchuma (3:1) raises an intriguing question about this verse. Why does Yaakov specify to be dealt with both "kindness and truth"? Is there such a thing as “kindness and falsehood”? The Midrash explains further by offering a folk saying that reflects a false kindness: "When your friend's son dies, share his sorrow (be kind to him); but when your friend dies, cast off your sorrow."
The saying means that when one’s friend loses a child, one should console that friend out of self-interest, because one day one might need that friend for consolation should one suffer a similar loss. However, when one’s friend dies, there is no need to maintain the pretense of grief out of self-interest, because the friend’s children will not reciprocate one’s sympathy should one find themselves in a similar circumstance. This interpretation suggests that Yaakov was asking Yosef for "true" kindness - kindness that would persist even after Yaakov’s death, when there would be no reason for Yosef to be kind out of self-interest as there would be no opportunity for reciprocation.
To provide additional color on what Yaakov was asking of Yosef, we offer the interpretation of the author of Marei HaBezek (Vol. I p, 221) Rav Benyamin Zev Krauss ZT”L, a distinguished 19th-century scholar who served as the Av Beis Din (Head of Halachic Court) in Debrecin and previously taught in the prestigious Ksav Sofer's Yeshiva.
Regarding the following verse in Mishlei (20:7): "A righteous person walks in his integrity; fortunate are his children after him," Rav Krauss explains the following. He says that the ultimate indicator of someone who is genuinely righteous, is whether, “his children [are fortunate] after him” – i.e. whether his righteousness is past down to his children. When parents live with authentic virtue - not merely performing good deeds for show, but embody them genuinely with true conviction - they create a legacy that takes root in their children's hearts. Their values become a living inheritance, flourishing in the actions of future generations.
With this in mind, we have a deeper understanding of Yaakov’s request. When he asks Yosef for "kindness and truth," he isn't merely seeking a promise from Yosef that he will show him true kindness even when there is no self-interested reason to do so, and he is not just giving Yosef direction about his burial location for that matter. He is asking for something more profound - evidence that his life's values have truly taken root in his son's heart. Will Yosef maintain these principles even when Yaakov is no longer present to witness them? Will Yaakov have been successful in passing these values to his own children?
Rav Krauss supports this interpretation by connecting it to a fascinating Midrash about the giving of the Torah. When Hashem asked for guarantors that Bnei Yisrael would uphold the Torah, He rejected the suggestion to have Bnei Yisrael’s forefathers serve as guarantors. Only when Bnei Yisrael offered their children as guarantors did Hashem accept. Why? Because children who maintain their parents' commitment to Torah serve as living testimony to the authenticity of their parents' devotion. Their continued adherence proves that their parents' commitment wasn't merely external or superficial, but was so genuine that it could be successfully transmitted to the next generation.
This understanding deepens our understanding of Yaakov's request. His request is not just about where he wants to be buried, but about the perpetuation of a spiritual legacy. When Yaakov asks Yosef to deal with him in "kindness and truth," after he has died, he is essentially saying: “Show that you have truly internalized my values. Prove that my righteousness was genuine and authentic.”
Accordingly, Yosef’s careful attention to fulfilling his father's requests after his death was more than just a fulfillment of filial duty - it proved that Yaakov’s values had been transmitted to Yosef and therefore served as testimony that Yaakov’s righteousness was pure and genuine.
