We all know the term chesed shel emes, and we use it to describe the chesed that is done with dead people. What is chesed shel emes all about?
Perek 47:29 – "The time came for Yisroel to die, and he called his son Yosef and said to him, ... and do kindness and truth with me and don’t bury me in Mitzrayim". Says Rashi, kindness that people do for the dead is called "chesed shel emes", kindness of truth (a real chesed) because one doesn’t look to get a favor back in return.
In perek 49 pasuk 29 Yaakov again requests to be buried in Eretz Yisroel, but this time he’s talking to the shevatim, not Yosef. He said to them, "bury me with my fathers in the cave which is in the field of Efron the Chitti, the Me’aras Hamachpeila which Avrohom bought".
Why didn’t Yaakov say "do with me a chesed shel emes" like he told Yosef?
Rav Eliyahu Schlesinger in his sefer Areshes Sefaseinu (page 184) says that there is indeed a difference between the command Yaakov told Yosef and the command he told the brothers. Yosef was the son of Rachel Imeinu, who was buried on the road to Bais Lechem, not in Me'aras Hamachpeila. Yaakov Avinu was thinking that Yosef was probably not so happy about that. And Yaakov told Yosef (48:7) "I buried Rachel there because that was al pi hadibur, by the word of Hashem, because klal Yisroel will end up in galus and they will pass by the kever of Rachel on the way to Bais Lechem. They will daven by Rachel's grave and she will help them". Comes out that only Yosef did a chesed shel emes by burying his father in the Me’aras Hamachpeila, as he wasn't getting any personal pleasure out of it since his mother was not buried there. It was hard for Yosef that his mother was not part of the couples buried in Me'aras Hamachpeila and that his father wouldn't be buried alongside his mother. But the rest of the shevatim would not be doing chesed shel emes, as their mother Leah Imeinu was buried in Me'aras Hamachpeila and they would derive pleasure that their father is being buried near their mother. That's why the term "chesed shel emes" was only used when speaking to Yosef.
Chesed shel emes means that you are doing something without anticipating getting a reward. Even the smallest chesed usually comes with a slight self-interest, an underlying hope that the recipient of your favor will one day reciprocate. But a dead person can’t repay anything to you, so a chesed done for the dead is truly a chesed shel emes. It's real chesed without any motives.
Asks the Maharal in Gur Aryeh: The term "chesed shel emes" is mentioned earlier in 24:49 regarding Eliezer the servant of Avraham looking for a wife for Yitzchok. He tells Rivka’s family "Do chesed v’emes to Avrohom by letting Rivka marry Yitzchok". So how can Rashi say that chesed shel emes is only by chesed you do with a dead person? Also, when a person gives tzedakah or helps out a poor person, does he really think that one day the poor person will pay him back? And if when you do chesed with a poor person you expect to get a reward from Hashem, so why is doing a chesed for a dead person any different? Why is chesed shel emes specifically when you do chesed with the dead and not with a poor person?
A person can only do mitzvos in this world. Once he arrives in the next world, it’s too late. However, there is one way you can receive a reward even after you die – and that's if someone does mitzvos because of you - then you can receive reward even after your death.
Regarding Yaakov Avinu, chazal tell us "Yaakov Avinu lo mes" – Yaakov never died. What does that mean? Since Yaakov Avinu left behind the shevatim – klal Yisroel – who continue to do mitzvos, it's considered as if he never died. Yaakov Avinu is alive through the deeds of his children and continues to rise in gan Eden.
Rebbe Yisachar Dov m'Belze explains what is the juxtaposition of the pesukim in krias Shema "v’limaditem osam es beneichem l’daber bam...." and then it says "l'maan yirbu yimeichem... kimey hashomayim al ha’aretz"- if you teach your children Torah and you are mechanech them in the way of Torah and mitzvos, then you will have a lengthened life; meaning, "kimei hashomayim al ha’aretz" – even the days when you are in shomayim after you die, it will be as if you are alive al ha’aretz, on this earth, because you will continue to receive reward in heaven for the mitzvos that your children perform.
Rav Pinchas Friedman (Parshas Vayechi 2016) explains that as Yaakov was about to die, he tells Yosef "I need you to do for me a chesed, a chesed shel emes, a true chesed. Says Rashi, a chesed that is done with the dead is a true chesed. We always learned that the person doing this chesed doesn’t expect a reward in return, but perhaps Rashi is saying that it's the dead person who doesn’t expect any more reward, since he’s about to leave this world and he can’t do anymore mitzvos. Now, since he doesn’t expect any more reward, he tells his son, "Do for me this chesed now; you can keep me alive by doing mitzvos because of me. Please, keep me alive by doing mitzvos like I taught you". Yaakov told Yosef, "Don’t bury me in Mitzrayim", meaning "I don’t want you to cause me to be buried in Mitzrayim by failing to follow the ways of the Torah that I taught you. If you fail to follow the Torah's ways, I will be like someone who died without leaving over a son. That’s a type of person who is called dead. But if you will do for me this chesed by following in my ways, then the pasuk says "v’shachavti" – I will lie down with my fathers, meaning I will rest, not die. This is the chesed that Yaakov begged Yosef to do with him.
When Eliezer spoke to Besuel regarding allowing Rivka to be a wife for Yitzchok, he said "do a chesed v’emes for my master Avraham". Why did he use the term "chesed v’emes" if Avraham was still alive? That's because Yitzchak has to get married and have children, and those will be the grandchildren of Avraham Avinu. And the biggest chesed you can do to Avraham is to give your daughter, the tzadekes Rivka, and they will have holy children and that will guarantee that Avraham won't die. His descendants will continue in the ways of Avraham Avinu, ensuring him continued life in gan Eden.
We make great sacrifices for our children's Torah education. We need to realize that our children and our talmidim are the only ones who can do chesed shel emes with us. The reality is that one day we will leave this world. Only through our offspring's mitzvos will we be able to continue to rise in gan Eden. Let's keep this in mind as we make the effort to raise our children in the Torah's ways.
