Just before Yaakov Avinu passes away, he summons his sons and gives them his blessings, following which the passuk tells us: “This is what their father spoke to them and blessed them.” However, when we look at the pesukim where the brachos are described, we see that the first three shevatim, Reuven, Shimon, and Levi, were in fact severely rebuked. Where are their blessings?
In his sefer Yechahen Pe’er, the Bendiner Rav ztz”l, a son-in-law of the Sfas Emes, explains that in the Torah, there is no such thing as rebuke— tochachah—given without an accompanying brachah. Before rebuke is given, a person has to be provided with the keilim he needs to accept the harsh words the right way: he first needs blessing, encouragement, and support. Therefore, the Bendiner Rav says, it was unnecessary for the Torah to describe the brachos given to the first three shevatim, as the fact that they were rebuked already tells us that they must have first received brachos.
Sometimes, perhaps surprisingly, when someone isn’t doing something the way they should, simply giving encouragement and support is often enough, without open rebuke. But if tochachah is still needed and is going to be given, then it must be accompanied by the support the person needs to accept it the right way. Otherwise, our words are likely to backfire and cause resentment, despair, or worse. If we want our words of mussar to have a positive impact, we must always remember to accompany them with encouragement and brachah, in order to instil in the person the confidence that he can improve his ways. Our words of criticism must always be constructive, and never chas v’shalom destructive.
