Sefer Ahavas Chaim explains why Yaakov made Yosef swear with the following story:
In the city of Lemberg, there lived a wealthy merchant who made his living selling expensive furs. He had an only son and an only daughter, and he married them off to wealthy families, lavishing a great deal of wealth on them. With their father’s help, they too became very successful and wealthy, and they became known as philanthropists.
In his old age, his wife died. Later, his fortune declined and he lost his assets. The son and daughter did not want to support their poor father, and he was left alone, without anyone helping him. Since during his time of wealth he had been a supporter of the Rebbe of Ruzhin zy”a, he now traveled to him to seek his holy advice. The Rebbe consoled him and said, “I am giving you a letter to show my chasidim. They will help you and provide you with the means to restart your business. With Hashem’s help, you will be successful again. The only thing I ask of you is that as soon as you return home, you should remarry. Your new wife will be good to you.”
The old man took the letter from the Rebbe and brought it to the chasidim in his city. When they saw the letter from their Rebbe, they immediately held a meeting and collected among themselves a total of 500 gold coins, which they gave to the old man.
The old man began to buy and sell once again. At the same time, he visited the matchmakers and asked them to propose a shidduch for him. After a few days, they suggested a woman for him with a dowry of 300 gold coins, and he married her. From then on, he experienced success, eventually becoming even richer than before.
When the son saw that his father was successful and his wealth was growing by the day, he began to visit his home often. He also began to find fault with the behavior of his father’s wife, and he tried to convince him to divorce her, saying that he would take care of him instead.
When the son saw that his words were being ignored by his father, he also sent his sister to tell him that he should divorce his new wife and come live with his children, who would care for all his needs.
The old man knew from the beginning that his children didn’t really care about him, and that they only were pretending to because they wanted his wealth. But since he did not want to get into a fight with them in his old age, he endured their words in silence.
Some time later, he needed to travel to Leipzig for business purposes. While there, he invested all his wealth in a large deal, and he made a fortune in profit. On his way home, he went to see the Ruzhiner Rebbe and told him everything that had happened. He related that Hashem had blessed him with a lot of success, but he had a lot anguish from his son and daughter, whom he loves as a father loves his children but who wouldn’t give him any peace. He related how they bothered him every day by trying to convince him to divorce his wife and move in with them.
The Rebbe told him, “Chazal say (Yevamos 65B) that it is permitted to lie for shalom bayis. Therefore, you will write three letters - one to your son, one to your daughter, and one to your wife. In these letters, you will tell them that on this journey, you lost all your wealth and possessions, and suddenly became a poor and destitute man, to the point that you no longer even have enough money to cover the return trip. Ask each of them to send you money for the expenses of the return trip, and you will wait here with me until you receive a reply from all three of them.”
The man did as the Rebbe said. He wrote each of them a letter, saying that all the merchandise had been ruined on the way through various issues, and that he had no choice but to discard it all. He wrote that he had no money left, to the point that he was even forced to sell his clothes, and now he is poor and destitute and dressed in rags. He wrote that he had made it to town of Ruzhin, where the Rebbe was giving him a bit of tzedakah so that he doesn’t starve. Therefore, he asked them to come to his aid and send him a little money for the expenses of the journey back home.
A few days later, he received replies from all three of them. He first opened his son’s letter, in which he wrote: “Dear father, I received your letter and was sad to learn that you have lost all your wealth. But please forgive me for not being able to help because I don’t have any spare money right now. I am unable to send you money for the journey, nor am I able to host you in my home. My advice is that you remain there with the Rebbe, who will feed you at his table.”
The daughter also wrote to him in the same way, but she added that she had just done a shidduch with a very wealthy family and she had to provide a very large dowry. Therefore, she said that she had no available funds to send him. She also advised him to stay with the Rebbe, saying: “There is no reason why you have to come back to your old wife. Since you are now poor, you won’t be able to support her anyway.”
After the old man read the letters from his son and daughter, he opened the letter from his wife. She wrote: “My dear husband, I received your letter. Do not worry about anything. Hashem has helped us so far, and He will certainly not abandon us now. Therefore, do not lose heart. Trust in Hashem and be strong. I will sell my jewelry, and in a few days, I will send you money for the expenses of the trip. You will be able to come home soon without worry because Hashem will surely help us. I will do everything I can to support us, even if it means standing in the market and selling baked goods. Perhaps it was Hashem’s will for us to lose the business, so that in your old age you will sit in the bais medrash and study Torah, and this will also be a source of comfort for us in our poverty. Now, just be patient and, hopefully, you’ll get the money send in a few days.”
The man immediately showed the three letters to the Rebbe, who read them and told him, “In a few days you can go home, and you will know yourself what to do.”
The old man lingered in Ruzhin for a few more days, and, in the meantime, he received a second letter from his wife. She sent him 25 rubles for travel expenses, with an apology that she had not been able to send more, and she asked him to return home immediately and not to worry about anything.
The man came home with a clear plan. He first stopped at a hotel, where he stored all his possessions. He dressed himself in some old rags and entered his house looking like a poor man. When his wife saw him, she was overjoyed. She comforted him with soft and kind words. Then the old man sent for his son and daughter to inform them that he had come home emptyhanded, but they did not even want to come to him to see how he was faring.
After a few days, he brought his belongings home. He gave his wife expensive gifts and precious gems and pearls. Later, it became known that the wealthy old man was about to buy a building in the city for his business. When the children learned of their father’s great wealth, they again began to approach him with the same words, saying that it would be better for him to divorce his wife so that he could live with his flesh and blood.
He then took the three letters and said to them, “You rebellious and ungrateful children. You didn’t care as sons about your father when you thought I was poor. You did not even want to know how I was doing. You believed it would have been better for you if I had never returned home at all. And now that you smelled the scent of my wealth, you have come to me now to collect!”
The children left in shame, and the old man donated all his wealth, with his wife’s consent, to the Ruzhin kollel. They remained the overseers of the money as long as they lived, and their lives were full of serenity and happiness.
This story helps us understand the events of this week’s Parshah. Yaakov Avinu wanted his son, Yosef, to bury him in Eretz Yisroel. Of course, he knew that Yosef was a great tzadik, but he still wasn’t certain that he could fully trust him to fulfill his request. Even though he was his son, he made him swear that he would do it. Only after that was he 100% sure that he could rely on Yosef to obey his final command.
It is related that a man once came to the Chofetz Chaim zt”l and told him he had a lot of money put aside for tzedakah, which he planned on leaving to his sons to distribute l’zeicher nishmaso. The Chofetz Chaim told him that he shouldn’t do this. Rather, he should give out the money while he was still alive, rather than relying on his children to do it after his death.
This is an important lesson that everyone should do whatever they can to help others on their own, rather than depending on anyone else to do it for them. My grandfather, Rav Tzvi Hirsch of Kretchnif zy”a, would use this idea to explain the Mishnah in Avos (6:10) that says: “At the time of a person’s passing, he is not escorted by silver or gold, and not by precious gems or pearls.” He explained that one cannot take his riches with him after he dies, but he can send them to Olam Haba in advance by using them for tzedakah and good deeds while he is still alive.
