רש"י עה"פ וַיִּ רְ אוּ אֲ חֵ י יוֹסֵ ף כִּ י מֵ ת אֲ בִּ יהֶ ם (נ טו ) מהו ויראו , הכירו במיתתו אצל יוסף , שהיו רגילים לסעוד על שולחנו של יוסף והיה מקרבן בשביל כבוד אביו , ומשמת יעקב לא קרבן (ב"ר) .
Chazal say that as soon as Yaakov was Niftar, Yosef stopped inviting the brothers to his Seuda, and they feared that now he’ll take N'kama (revenge) on them. But Yosef cried and consoled them, and he said that this was not his intention. It is interesting that all his life, Yosef would appear to be in his own world, and not care how he was affecting the people around him.
He was fearless when relating his dreams, and he kept admonishing them when he was viceroy despite the danger that they might kill him. This was his super-high level of Bitachon. However, here we see how he was wrong, and he caused them unnecessary anguish. The same is true about his constant Hanhaga of Romemus; he lost 10 years of his life when he didn’t protest upon hearing them call his father, Yaakov: עַ בְ דְ ךָ אָּ בִּ ינוּ Our father, your slave.
His Romemus was surely L'shem Shamayim, and we assume everything he did was Shviras HaMiddos; i.e., to go against his natural Tevah, like the Rambam says that a Shafel must have extreme Ga'ava, etc. We can suggest that when you work on your Middos and you are M'chuyav to go extreme, you may go overboard and be Nichshal in true unwarranted Ga'ava; i.e., you get carried away.
Yet, a person is not a machine and not a Malach, and even if you are actually Nichshal and you are wrong in going overboard, it is still worth it. If a Shafel worries so much about not being Nichshal at all, he may end up with nothing, since his natural tendency can pull him right back to square one.
My Rebbe who is a Talmid of R' Hutner Zatzal told me that no person can really be completely Oisgehalten (perfect in all areas). So don’t think that you’ll never fail; a human cannot do this.
