Avraham Avinu’s Devotion to Family
However, Avraham Avinu did not suffice with including his descendants in his holy thoughts alone; he included them in his righteous actions as well.
In a discourse delivered by my father, Rabbi Yoram Abargel, may his merit protect us, he said as follows (Imrei Noam, Parashat Vayeira, Essay 3):
In our parashah, the Torah says of Avraham Avinu: “For I have known him, because he will command his children and his household after him, and they will keep the way of the L-rd, to do righteousness and justice” (Bereishit 18:19). Rashi explains: “'For I have known him' is an expression of affection. And why 'have I known him'? 'Because he will command'—because he commands his children concerning Me, to keep My ways.”
This means that the primary reason the Holy One, blessed be He, cherished Avraham Avinu so greatly and drew him close with such abundant love and affection was because Avraham Avinu labored greatly to educate his children and the members of his household in the way of Hashem, constantly instructing them to keep the ways of G-d.
According to Rashi’s explanation, the word “command” in the verse, “because he will command his children and his household after him,” is understood in its most straightforward sense, as an expression of instruction and command. Avraham Avinu would constantly command his children and the members of his household to keep the ways of the Holy One, blessed be He.
On a deeper level, however, the word yetzaveh can also be understood as “he will connect,” from the word tzavta, meaning togetherness and connection. This means that Avraham Avinu was always careful to connect his children and the members of his household to himself.
In practice, this connection expressed itself in two ways.
First, Avraham Avinu showered his children and household with abundant love, affection, and closeness. In this way, he connected them to himself emotionally. This deep bond created within their hearts a broad vessel through which they could willingly and wholeheartedly receive whatever Avraham Avinu asked and demanded of them in matters of the spirit.
Second, Avraham Avinu was extremely careful to connect his children and household to himself by involving them in every matter of mitzvah and holiness in which he was engaged, in order to train them in mitzvot. With every step and every spiritual advance Avraham Avinu made, he always made sure that his children and household were nearby. He did not advance alone, leaving them somewhere far behind.
We find two examples of this wondrous conduct of Avraham Avinu in our parashah, one at the beginning of the parashah and one at its end.
At the beginning of our parashah, the Torah tells of the three guests, the angels, who were hosted by Avraham Avinu. Out of the greatness of Avraham’s generous heart, he decided to honor his guests with the finest possible meat meal. He therefore hurried to his herd: “He took a calf, tender and good, and gave it to the lad, and he hurried to prepare it” (Bereishit 18:7).
Who was this lad to whom Avraham Avinu gave the calf to prepare for the guests? Rashi answers in his commentary to this verse: “This refers to Yishmael, in order to train him in mitzvot.”
It follows that Avraham Avinu connected his son Yishmael to himself and involved him in the mitzvah of hospitality that had come his way. He did not perform it alone; he wanted to educate his son and accustom him to performing mitzvot.
Similarly, at the end of our parashah, the Torah relates that the Holy One, blessed be He, commanded Avraham Avinu: “Please take your son, your only one, whom you love, Yitzchak, and go to the land of Moriah, and bring him up there as an offering upon one of the mountains that I will tell you” (Bereishit 22:2).
Although the command stated explicitly that Avraham Avinu was to sacrifice only his son Yitzchak as an offering, nevertheless, Avraham Avinu also took his two lads with him, Yishmael and Eliezer.
Moreover, in the morning he awakened Yishmael and Eliezer even before he awakened Yitzchak, as it says, “Avraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took his two lads with him, and Yitzchak his son” (ibid., v. 3). First it says “his two lads,” and only afterward “Yitzchak his son.”
This conduct of Avraham Avinu—to command his household to follow the proper path, and to connect his children to himself—caused the Holy One, blessed be He, to cherish him and draw him close with unprecedented love.
In practical terms, we learn from all of this that a parent must invest with strength and great passion in the chinuch of his children and instruct them constantly to keep the way of Hashem, just as Avraham Avinu did in his time.
In the matter of chinuch, one may not compromise. Someone who truly loves his children will demand the very best chinuch for them, without compromise and without leniency.
When it comes to chinuch, carelessness is not an option. A parent who truly loves his children seeks the very best for them and places them in institutions that teach the path of the holy Torah properly without compromise.
A ‘traditional’ Jewish education is certainly better than a secular education, but it is nonetheless not the ideal. The word masoret, mere “tradition,” is related to the term masor, “a saw.” At times, an education that is only “traditional” can cut away living branches from the Tree of Life of our holy Torah, keeping what seems to be ‘acceptable’ but setting aside what does not seem ‘acceptable,’ G-d forbid.
Our task is the opposite: to give our children a chinuch that embraces the holy Torah wholeheartedly, as one complete whole. In this merit, may we see them grow in fear of Heaven and holiness, and receive true nachat from them.
From the above regarding Avraham Avinu’s path in educating his children and household, we also learn that in order to successfully plant the proper path of chinuch in the hearts of our children, we must connect them to us by constantly showering them with heartfelt love and affection, even if, at present, their conduct is not entirely as it should be. In this way, we bind them to us emotionally, and when we ask something of them, their hearts will be more open to receive our request and fulfill it with joy.
Likewise, we must connect our precious children to ourselves and involve them in every matter of mitzvah and holiness in which we are engaged, in order to accustom them to mitzvot.
We must remember that the holiness of the home continues through these pure children. If we do not accustom them to the ways of holiness while they are still young, where will they acquire it later in life?
A father should therefore not go to pray or to a Torah class while leaving his children behind at home.
Even if he has already merited bringing them with him to the synagogue, he should not sit and pray or listen to the class while his children wander outside. Rather, he must draw his precious children close, seat them beside him, open the siddur for them, and encourage them calmly, patiently, and pleasantly to pray with joy and listen to the class.
In this way, they too will absorb the path of holiness from a young age and become accustomed to it, until it is fixed deep within their hearts and they never abandon it, as it says, “Educate a youth according to his way; even when he grows old, he will not depart from it” (Mishlei 22:6).
Wellsprings of Wisdom
13. The most important thing is generosity of heart. In this regard, Rabbi Reuven Elitzur Karlenstein relates (Yechi Reuven, Bereishit, p. 179): A man once came to the Satmar Rebbe. He was not one of the Rebbe’s chassidim, but he told him that he lived in a rented apartment owned by a non-Jew, and for three months he had been unable to pay the rent. The landlord had warned him that if he did not pay by the next day, he would have to leave the apartment and might face legal action. “How much is the rent?” the Rebbe asked. “Two thousand dollars,” the man replied—a very large sum in those days. The Rebbe turned to his attendant, Reb Yossel Ashkenazi, and said, “Give this man $1,950.” After the man left, the attendant asked the Rebbe in surprise, “Rebbe, I do not understand. Why did you not give him the full amount?” The Rebbe replied, “I know human nature. Had I given him the full $2,000, he might have gone home thinking: If the Rebbe gave it to me so readily, perhaps I should have asked for more. But now that I did not give him the entire sum, he will feel calm, because he understands that I gave him everything I was able to give.” “I wanted him to go home happy and at ease,” the Rebbe concluded.
14. This was also to avoid creating any feeling of favoritism between Yitzchak and Yishmael. The Gemara teaches: “A person should never distinguish one child from among the others,” for because of the extra garment Yaakov gave Yosef, his brothers became jealous, and the matter ultimately led to our fathers descending to Egypt (Shabbat 10b). The fact that Avraham Avinu woke his son Yishmael before everyone else gave Yishmael the feeling that his father loved him especially, which only deepened the love he already felt for his father. A wise father gives each child abundant love, so that no child feels, Heaven forbid, that his father loves him less than his siblings.
